Something Beautiful
by cellardoor
Summary: Lit. Jess has lived in Stars Hallow since he was 8, and Rory and him are best friends, but times change, people dont. Then Jess ends up with a child, and Rory isn't the mother...
1. Lost Little Boy

Stars Hallow was a small town. Not very many people, but not too small and not too big, it was perfect. Everyone knew everyone, and gossip spread before it even happened. In a town like this nothing is kept a secret, at least not for long. It was a hot summer day, the diner was crowded, no, it was packed, and Luke had been running around all day, he couldn't seem to find order. Lorelai wasn't helping either, she sat at the counter with Rory and kept tapping her mug, and it was her way of hinting that she needed a refill. Rory was sitting next to her she was only half way done with her mug and had her head in a book. She was only 8 but she had read every book she had come in contact with since she was born. There standing in the middle of all the chaos stood a boy, a young boy, around the same age as Rory. He just stood there, he was confused, and he set down the small bag he had with him and pulled out a book and started to read. He didn't like all the staring faces, with his book he didn't have to face them, it was his way of running away and hiding. The diner soon became silent, all noticing the young boy standing in the middle of it all. He was alone, a small child, with no mother and no father, standing by himself, no one knew who he was, well no one but Luke. 


	2. And so it begins

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

*I know its short still, but give it time…

Luke walked over to the young boy and picked up his small bag, which consisted of most of his belongings and carried it upstairs. The small boy followed, he couldn't have been more excited to be pulled out of the diner where he was the center of attention, he hated attention. Luke took him up to the apartment, no words exchanged, no questions asked, this was his new home, Luke was his new guardian. 

The small boy poured his belongings on his new bed, there were more books then there were clothes, he crawled up onto the bed and began to read. His books made him special, he had so many and everywhere he went he had a book in his pocket or in his hand, he was never without. And with that Luke left him alone, the kid had been through enough in one day, hell he had been through enough in one lifetime, he just needed to be alone now and Luke understood that.

The boy, his name was Jess; He was Luke's kid sister's boy. She decided she didn't want him anymore. Not so much didn't want him but didn't want the responsibility. He couldn't believe that she would pull a stunt like this one, but then again it was always like her, if you cant deal with your problems, just run away from them. His dad split right after he was born, his mom was a deadbeat, poor kid, Luke would be good for him, he needed him, and they needed each other.

Hours later the Gilmore girls were still sitting at the counter. Rory was still reading her book and Lorelai was still drinking her coffee. There was a rustling coming from above the diner and soon Jess emerged from behind the curtain that led up to the apartment. Rory looked up when she heard the noise, first time she looked up all morning; she hadn't even noticed him earlier when he first came in. She was the young girl that shared his interest, books, and would become his life long friend. Jess saw her and smiled and she smiled back.

Luke saw Jess standing there, "You hungry?"

Jess nodded and sat down on at the counter one seat away from Rory. She looked over at him, "Hi" she said cheerfully

"Hi" he said quietly in response and quickly making eye contact. It wasn't that he was shy, he was just scared, and lonely, and sad. 

"I'm Rory" she introduced herself, "This is my mom Lorelai" she turned and pointed to her mom, Lorelai was too busy talking to Luke to notice that Rory had introduced her, "She's busy at the moment, sorry"

"Its okay, I'm Jess" then there was silence, Rory went back to reading her book and then Jess interrupted, "What are you reading?" he was curious, maybe he had read it before. She held up the book so that he could read the cover, "That's a good one"

"You've read it before?" she was excited; she had never met anyone her age who liked to read as much as she did.

"Yep, right before I came here, one of my friends back home had it and let me borrow it, I liked it"

Rory smiled, "so what else have you read?" and so started their first conversation, about books, which would be the bases for the entire friendship. It was the beginning of something small that would later become something beautiful.


	3. A true friend, finally

Diclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have never will….

The next morning Rory woke up early, she was excited to go the diner this morning; she had a made a new friend, a new friend who connected with her on levels that no one else could.

"Mom? ...Moooommm? … MOM! ...MOTHER!!" she yelled at her sleeping mother.

"What are you doing child? You do not address me mother, in fact you do not address me at all this early in the morning, go back to bed" she mumbled and turned back over in her bed.

"Get up, please?" she crawled onto the edge of the bed, "Let's go to Luke's"

"Why are you in such a hurry to go to Luke's? You do know how early it is don't you? I don't think I even know what it looks like outside this time of day, is the sun even up yet?"

" Yes the sun is up MOTHER" she emphasized the mother knowing just how much she hated it, "It is 10:30 is not that early and I want to go see Jess, you know Luke's nephew who just so happens to be my age and reads just as much as I do."

"Go without me I'll meet you there, I need more sleep" she closed her eyes and put a pillow over her head.

"Fine, I'll go without you, but if someone tries to kidnap me on my way there, I'm not going to put up a fight, I'm just going to let them take me and then hold it against you later, for the rest… of your life."

"Okay, just go away," Lorelai said already half way asleep. She heard Rory get up and make her way to the door, and then she shouted, "Don't think I'm paying any ransom for you!!"

Rory just laughed at her mom and left, she should have known better then to even attempt to wake up her mom, it was no use and she knew that.

She slowly made her way over to Luke's and sat down at the counter, Luke handed her coffee and shortly after Jess came over and sat next to her with his book in his hand. "Morning" she smiled at him.

"Morning" he said, with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Want to get out of here?" she asked, maybe he wanted to talk about it.

He just nodded and followed her out the door.

They walked around town, Rory showed Jess all the hot spots for an eight year old, and then they slowly made there way down to the bridge, they went and sat down in the middle letting there feet hang over the edge. 

"Are you okay?" Rory asked unsure if it was any of her business.

"I will be" Jess responded.

"You know, I know you just met me and all but if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you"

He looked at her with hope in his eyes, finally someone he could talk to, he never a real friend of his own that actually cared what was on his mind, "It's just my mom didn't want me"

"That's not true, I'm sure she wanted you, she just couldn't give you what you need, she wants you to be safe and have a good future"

"No, she didn't want me, she didn't tell me she was leaving me here, she said pack your things for an afternoon, and when we got here she told me to go into the diner and wait for her, that her brother owned it and she would be in in a minute, she never came in, she just left me there, didn't even have the courage to tell me I wouldn't see her again, I hate her, and I hope I never do see her again."

"Jess, you don't hate her, she's your mother, she was just afraid that you wouldn't leave her, its not that she didn't want you, she loves you and wants what's best for you" Rory felt sorry for him, she would die if her mom left her.

"You don't have to try and cheer me up, I'll get over it. I just don't want to think about it." He looked over at her.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Rory didn't know what to say to him, if he didn't want to talk about it she wasn't going to make him. She looked over at him and smiled, 'You have a book with you?"

"Always do, you?"

"Ditto" she replied. 

They both sat there pulled out their books and started reading.

A book and friend, what more could a kid ask for?


	4. Summer Days

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

Months had passed since Jess had moved to town, Rory and Jess became best friends, they were inseparable, where you found one you always found the other. They spent night and day together, if Jess wasn't spending the night at Rory's then she was spending the night at his house. 

They had so much in common, well whatever it was that 8 year olds could have in common. Every waking moment they spent together, whether it was at one another's houses, hanging out in the diner or reading on the bridge.

One morning on a hot summer day Rory woke up, she placed her hand on Jess's side of the bed and felt around for him, she searched for him with her eyes closed, he was there somewhere, he had to be. She slowly opened her eyes and then even slower got out of bed and made her way into the kitchen. When she looked over and saw him on couch eating a bowl of cereal and watching cartoons with her mom. Her house was Jess's second home and her mom was his mom too. He looked up and saw her.

"You finally decided to wake up" he smiled, "Its hot out, let's go swimming down at the bridge" he smiled at her.

"Cant you wait till I'm at least awake?" she asked stubbornly.

"Fine" he replied, "I'm going to go to Luke's to get my swim shorts then I'll meet you back  here in like 20 min, be awake and be READY!" he got up and put his bowl in the sink before heading out the back door.

Rory went and sat down next to her mom and quickly stole her cereal from her. Then she placed all her attention on the television screen and started watching cartoons, she immediately started laughing at the pranks the characters were pulling on each other now. It was an innocent child moment, when something so small and simple such as cartoons could keep her entertained. 15 minutes later she emerged from her room in her bathing suit and shorts with her sandals and towel. She made her way over to the door.

"I'm going to wait for Jess outside mom, I'll be home later" she yelled.

"Okay" her mom yelled back, "Have fun and be safe!"

"Will do" she said before walking out the door. 

As soon as she made her way out the door Jess was approaching at a fast speed. When he saw her he nodded his head for her to come and they ran down to the bridge.

As soon as they got there Jess wasted no time, he flipped his shoes off and jumped right into the water causing a huge splash and Rory to take a step back, she didn't want to get wet, not just yet anyways. 

Jess was a fish, there was no other explanation for his love of water. Maybe it was that he didn't have the option of swimming everyday in New York, but whatever it was, it made him happy.

Rory stood on the bridge, the sight of the water gave her chills. No matter how hot it was outside, the water was still cold. She couldn't jump in like Jess, for her it took time.

Jess looked up at her, "You coming in? Or are you just going to watch me swim?"

"I think I just want to watch" she smiled, "Yep I just want to watch" she reassured herself, "you know I put my bathing suit on, and grabbed my towel just so I could stand here and _watch you swim" _

"Was that sarcasm from Rory Gilmore?" Jess laughed.

"I'm coming in, just give me a minute" she sat down on the edge of the bridge slowly dipping her toes into the water one at a time.

"Come on just jump in, get it done and over with, I'm already warm!" he had a smile on his face as he swam up underneath her.

"Jess don't even think about it, if you do I'm going to…" her words were drowned out as she started to scream and then there was a splash. She came up for breath.

"Your going to what?" he smiled. What's the worst she could do? Splash him? He was already wet; splashing wouldn't do any good now.

"You are such a Jerk!" she pouted and then swam after him.

He swam away quickly, he didn't know what she had planned on doing to him, but he did know he didn't want to find out. He made his way back the bridge and reached up to her towel and held it above the water. "Truce?" he asked, "Call a truce or your towel gets it" he smiled.

"Fine, I surrender" she sighed, "Truce." She held out her hand and he shook it.

"Okay then, it's settled" he smiled and set her towel back down the bridge.

The bridge became theirs, they read there, they swam there; they even just sat there together when they had nothing to do. It was there place and over the years it would become more meaningful then either of them could ever imagine.


	5. Promises

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

As the years passed the bridge remained theirs, and with time they grew older. They had many small fights over the years, nothing life changing but when it came time to making up they would meet at the bridge. It was something they both just knew and felt. The bridge is also where they shared their first kiss. Something they tried out after seeing in a movie, their curiosity got the better of them and even though neither of them would admit, that kiss meant to more to them then just an experiment. That kiss made their friendship stronger then it ever was before. Because after that kiss they both knew they had found someone special. Life would not be the same ever again, because now there were feelings, feelings that both of them were too stubborn to admit they had. The bridge shared every special moment they ever had together.

It was now sophomore year in high school, they were both dating other people, never even imagining taking their significant others to the bridge, it would be braking a trust, an unwritten law, that neither could even imagine happening.

Rory was dating a guy from Stars Hallow High, his name Dean; they had been dating since freshman year when Rory still attended SHH, she was now going to Chilton to further and better her education. It was a major step in her life; she almost didn't go because she didn't want to be away from Jess. The thought of not seeing him at school everyday and that maybe he would find a new best friend terrified her so much that she had decided not to go. Jess was more important to her then Chilton ever would be. But he talked her out of it, he told she had to go, because one of them had to be smart and go off to college and it wasn't going to be him.

 Dean and she had an awesome relationship and the best part about it was that Jess and he were good friends. So instead of Jess feeling like the third wheel he was just one of the gang. 

Then the beginning of sophomore year came around and the new girl came. Why was it always the new girl? Or the new guy? Maybe it was the mystery, the excitement that they were actually outside the crazy town for once in their life. Her name was Skylar and she was beautiful. Typical California girl: tall, skinny, perfect skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. She was perfect in every way. Jess fell in love with her the second he laid eyes on her. Lucky for him he still had a bit of old New York in him, he was into his music, had his own look and wasn't bad looking for a guy living in stars hallow.

It was late one night when Rory and Jess were coming home from the bridge. Jess was staying at Rory's house, AGAIN, and then they saw the moving truck. They stopped to watch for awhile hoping to get a glance of the new neighbors when he saw her. He froze in his place.

"That must be the daughter, I think her name is Skylar or something, she's our age, they're from California I hear, why would anyone leave California for Stars Hallow? Its going to be a huge change, I wonder how long they'll last once they meet the town, I can't wait to see their reaction" she started rambling and spitting out all the information she knew, she looked over at Jess and he was in some dazed state, "Jess? Jeeess?? JESS?" she waved a hand in front of his face but it was no use, he was gone. 

Rory looked up to see the girl and she had stopped what she was doing and was staring back at Jess, she smiled and gave him a small wave, he waved back the expression on his face staying blank, then the girl looked at Rory and did the same, Rory smiled and waved back. Then the girl went into her new house.

That second Jess snapped out of it, "Did you see her?" he asked.

"I saw" she replied.

"I think I'm in love" he said happily and followed Rory into the house straight to her room. "I've never seen anything like her before"

"Yeah a California girl right here in Stars Hallow, I think it's a first" 

"You think she'd want to hang with us sometime?" he asked.

"How should I know?" Rory replied, "But there's no harm in asking right?"

He thought about it for a second "Right" he paused, "Tomorrow morning, we'll take her some coffee and invite her to hang"

"I thought we were going to the bridge tomorrow?" she asked a little hurt he had forgotten so quickly.

He could sense the hurt in her voice, he smiled and took her hand, "Okay bridge first and then coffee"

"But I need coffee first, I can't live without coffee first thing in the morning you know that" she pleaded with her eyes.

"Fine we'll get coffee, go to the bridge, and then stop by her house with a jell-o mold or something"

Rory laughed at him, "Yeah Jell-O mold? That's original"

"Hey it's that or a casserole" he laughed, "And we both know we don't know how to make a casserole."

"And we know how to make Jell-O?" she questioned as she narrowed her eyes and shook her head slowly.

"How hard can it be?" he asked raising one eyebrow.

Rory just stared at him, a hard blank expression on her face.

"Maybe your right, we'll just buy her some Jell-O cups from Doose's"

"Yeah that's going to win her over"

"Hey I'm out of ideas here, I'll put a bow on it or something, make it special"

"I'm sure she'll love it, and if not she'll just slam the door in your face, either way we'll have each other"

They turned on their sides so they were facing each other on her bed, there was a long silence between them until Rory grabbed his hand, "We're going to make each other a promise right here and right now"

Jess looked at her and gripped her hand tighter.

"No matter what happens, who we date, or who we become friends with in the future, we stay friends. We have to promise each other that no matter what we're friends forever, friends that can sleep in the same bed with it meaning nothing more then sleeping, friends who will forever share the bridge with only each other"

Jess nodded in agreement and kissed her on her forehead, "Nothings is ever going to change Rory, we're too good together"

"I just don't want anything to change, ever, no matter what, no matter who gets in the middle of us, we have to stay friends Jess, because I don't think I could ever get by without you by my side."

He looked into her eyes, "Ditto"

They just laid there, hands holding, facing each other and before they knew it they were both asleep.


	6. Wanting More

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

Skylar and Jess started dating almost exactly one year after Rory and Dean started. The four of them became best friends. But Jess and Rory still had their own special connection. They hung out away from Dean and Skylar and they still even stayed over at each others houses, none the less in the same bed. It was something they had done from childhood and they couldn't break the habit. 

The four of them did everything together. One night they all went to a party. When they arrived they were surrounded by familiar faces. Then the four of them went their separate ways to mingle with all the others they didn't spend so much time with. As the party went on they would meet up at times. Make sure everything was going okay, and then split up again.

While Skylar was waiting in line for the bathroom Rory spotted her and made her way over, "Hey, long line going on here."

"Yeah tell me about it, it hasn't moved in the last 15 minutes" Skylar started to whine.

"Well what do you expect?" Rory looked around at the others, "So are you having fun?"

"Hell yeah, we always have fun when it's the four of us".

"True, true" Rory looked over at Dean and Jess, "They seem to be enjoying themselves". 

Skylar laughed, "Yep, them and their damn drinking games", she paused before she spoke up again, "you know sometimes I think they are playing for a reason, you know a male grudge thing… over you".

Rory gave her a shocked look, "What do you mean?"

"Well you know, Jess is your best friend, you guys have known each other WAY before Dean and I came along, he's very protective of you, and well, Dean being your boyfriend and all gets a little worried sometimes, that maybe Jess means more to you… he feels threatened sometimes, you know?"

Rory looked up at her, "They aren't fighting over me, Jess is like my brother and Dean has nothing to worry about, he knows that".

"Are you sure?" Skylar asked.

Rory stood there thinking to herself that there was no way that was true, "Well do you ever feel threatened by me? I mean you go through the same thing Dean does".

Skylar thought about it for a minute, "you know… sometimes I do, Jess drops anything in second if it has to do with you, and that doesn't always leave me feeling my best"

"I'm sorry" Rory didn't know what to say, "But you know you don't have to worry right? We're just friends" she assured her.

"Yeah I know" Skylar responded a little doubt in her voice.

"Jess really loves you, he doesn't let a day go by without telling me so, I've known him for a long time, and I've never seen him happier then when he's with you. He loves you so much, since the first time he laid eyes on you that night, he told me so even then"

"Yeah?" Skylar smiled, "I never knew that, I mean he's told me he loves me, but I never knew he said so the first night I saw him"

"Yep, it's true… you had him since the second you stepped foot in this town"

"Good to know" Skylar smiled.

The line finally started moving, "Find me when your done" Rory said as she began walking towards the boys.

"Boys, Boys what's going on over here?" she looked at them and they both froze, "Drinking games and you didn't even invite me to play? Shame" she smiled.

"Sit down and join us" Dean moved over so she could sit next to him.

"No its okay I'll just watch, its no fun when you join in the middle" She sat down and gave him a kiss, the truth was, she wasn't a huge drinker.

An hour later Dean was wasted and Jess was barely even phased. Skylar was with Dean on the couch, they both needed to sit for a minute.

"So Rory, you slept with Dean you little slut" Jess hit her softly on the arm.

"How do you know that?" she pushed him hard.

"Well let's just say Dean can't keep a secret when he's drunk" Jess laughed and pulled her into a hug.

Rory started to turn red; she couldn't believe he told. She looked up at Jess who had a smile on his face.

"You know I thought you would have told me" he looked her in the eyes and took a step back, "I thought we didn't keep secrets from one another"

She put her hands on his arms and rubbed them before taking his hands, "I know, and trust me I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how, it was a first, and besides you slept with Skylar and didn't tell me!" she retorted, and pushed him back once again.

"How did you know that?" he asked.

"Let's just say Skylar can't keep a secret when she's drunk" she laughed back at him.

"It's weird you know, I know we were never together, but I thought you would have been my first, you were my first everything, I thought it would be another thing to add to our list."

"Yeah I know, I always thought that too, but I guess times change and other people come along"

"A part of me wishes it would have been you." 

Rory looked at him confused, "but it's best to be with someone you love."

"I know, but I wish it could have been something we shared together, don't get me wrong I love you, but only as a friend, nothing more, and besides I love Skylar and it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for it to be any better... Honestly I wouldn't change it for anything." 

"Ditto" she smiled a small smile.

"We better get them home" Jess pointed to Dean and Skylar who were passed out on the couch, the conversation becoming weird for both of them.

"Good idea" Rory smiled as they made their way over to them, "you staying over tonight?" she looked at him.

"Do you even have to ask?" he smiled.

After they dropped the two drunks off at their homes they made their way back over to Rory's. They both lay in bed, neither saying a word, still unsure about the conversation they had earlier. But then Rory remembered what Skylar had said.

"Jess, you still awake?"

"Mmmhmmm" he said tiredly.

"When Dean and you have your drinking spats, are you really playing about something or is just fun and games?"

"What do you mean?" he asked rather curious now.

"I mean… I don't know… earlier at that party I was talking to Skylar and she said that she thinks Dean and you are fighting over me, that she feels threatened by me sometimes. Is it true? I mean the Dean and you grudge thing?"

Jess was silent; he wasn't sure how to respond. It was true, a part of him was jealous, and it was his way of getting over it, a simple drinking game never hurt anyone, but it was just protection like an older brother caring for his little sister, he had Skylar, he couldn't have them both, and he loved Skylar with all his heart.

"You don't have to worry about anything Ror. It's all just fun and games." He assured her even though it was a lie.

Rory turned over on her side so she was looking out her window. She was relieved that Skylar had been wrong. There was nothing to worry about, it was all just fun and games, but why did she wish it was more?


	7. New York

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will….

AN: A few of you asked how old they were in the last chapter, and well they were 17, Dean and Rory started dating freshman year, and Jess and Skylar started dating exactly one year after them, so sophomore year, seeing as how they slept with each other and already told each other they loved each other, they would have had to have been dating at least a year or a year and a half, so that would make them 17, hope that clears everything up, and I hope your enjoying the story. Also thank you for all the wonderful reviews!!

***

The four of them continued to hang, they went to all the new movies, and every date was a double, they went to hundreds of concerts all around from Hartford to New York, and they even stayed out all night sometimes, each one there to protect the other. 

It was a Saturday night and the four of them had gone to a show in New York. Rory and Dean were making the rounds, checking out the merchandise in the small whole in the wall theater that they were at when someone called her name.

"Rory?" she turned her head towards the voice.

"Cade?... Is that you?" she was shocked and happy at the same time.

"How are you?" he leaned over the table to hug her.

"I'm doing great, and you?"

"I'm good, I'm on tour with the band, I'm in charge of _merchandise." He looked around him and waved his hands over the table._

"That's awesome," she looked over at Dean, "Cade this is my boyfriend Dean, Dean this is an old friend of mine and Jess's, Cade."

Dean held out his hand and Cade shook it. "Nice to meet you" Dean smiled.

"So your boyfriend, I thought you and Jess… well you know"

"Nope, just friends, always have been, he's here somewhere" she looked around.

"Awesome, if you see him, send him my way."

"Yeah I'll do that," she paused, "So what else have you been up to?"

"Not much" there was a small silence, "how long has it been since I've seen you guys?"

"Almost 6 years I think, the last time we saw you was at Mrs. Johansson's funeral. After she passed, Jess couldn't go back to that place… it was hard on him."

"Yeah I know, after she passed I moved out of there, crashed with some friends and then soon made friends with these guys, and here I am, I was with them before they got their feet on the ground out in California, been with them since."

"What a life" she smiled, just then one of the opening bands started to play, "Hey I have to go, Dean loves this band, but I'm sure I'll see you later tonight"

"Yeah definitely, and bring Jess with you"

"Okay" she smiled and grabbed Dean's hand, as he led her into the show room.

 They made their way out into the crowd. They passed all the people smoking, and stayed clear of the mosh pit. Dean being so tall spotted Jess and Skylar up near the front so they started their way through the sea of people until they met up with their friends.

Jess could sense Rory near by and when he turned around there she was. 

"Hey you two found us! Just in time" he screamed over the loud music.

"Yeah lucky for me Dean is tall and can spot anyone anywhere" she smiled and looked up at Dean and kissed him.

"Oh I see how it is, is that the only reason your with me, so I can get you where you need to be?" he joked.

"Well… it's actually just a bonus" she smiled, and kissed him, "Hey Jess" she shouted, "Guess who I just saw working out in the lobby"

"Who?" Jess spoke loudly over the music.

"Cade!"

"Are you serious? Where is he?... Take me to him" he laughed, "I sound like a sci-fi freak"

Rory grabbed his hand and told Dean she'd be back, Jess led her through the tons of people making sure she didn't get hurt and once they were free she led Jess to Cade.

"CADE! MY MAN!" Jess yelled excitedly.

"JESS? I CANT BELIEVE IT!" he jumped over the table and wrapped his arms around his friend, giving him the pat on the back boy hug.

"Man I've missed you; it's been way to long."

"Yeah well maybe if you had called like you said you would, it wouldn't seem so long" he joked.

"Hey you could have called too" Jess raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't have a phone" Cade said in his defense.

"Well then, I guess I couldn't have called you" Jess laughed.

"Good point, but hey here we are now".

"Yep here we are… the three of us together again".

"I can't believe Rory and you are still friends… I don't mean still friends, friends, I mean nothing more." He winked.

Rory turned to look at him and shook her head, he had always told them that they were meant for each other, but they both disagreed.

"Still friends, friends" Jess put his arm around her waist and pulled her into a hug.

They continued to talk, and reminisce about old times. The first band was done playing, and the second band was setting up. Rory was watching out for Dean and just then he and Skylar emerged from the crowd and over towards Rory and Jess. Skylar came and kissed Jess on the cheek, "Cade, this is Skylar, my girlfriend, Skylar this is an old friend of mine, Cade" 

Skylar smiled, "I like your name".

"Thanks" Cade nodded, "So Rory and Jess, what have you guys been up to? Still living in that small tiny town?"

"Yep, not much has changed in our little corner of the world" Rory responded, "When you get some time off you should come and visit us, stay a couple of days, catch up on old times." Rory wrote down her number and gave it to him.

"Call this time" Jess laughed, "No excuses".

Cade laughed, "I'll try, you know if you guys aren't doing anything after the show we're having a party tonight, you guys should come." He took a flyer from under the table and handed it to Jess.

"Okay, maybe, I'll have to talk to the others" Jess looked over at Skylar, "I'll find you when the show is over and let you know"

"Sure, it was good seeing you Jess"

"Back at you!" Jess waved a small wave and walked towards the rest of his friends, "are we ready?" he asked, as they made their way back into the show room just as the final band made their way on stage.

The four of them stood there moving with the music and singing along. They screamed and cheered, and truly enjoyed the show.

When it was over, they made a quick appearance at Cade's party but the four of them weren't in the mood. They left rather quickly, not even saying hi or bye to Cade and the four of them hopped on the subway. They weren't sure where they were going, but they knew they weren't ready to go home. Rory sat down and leaned against Dean.

"Did you enjoy the show?" she had a huge smile on her face and was talking a little louder than normal due to the noise at the show.

"When does Phantom Planet not put on an awesome show?" he asked, "Of course I had a good time, I was with you, it doesn't get better."

"Jess, Skylar how did you guys like the show?"

They both broke apart from each other, catching their breath before speaking at the same time, "It was awesome!"

Rory smiled and then they went back to making out.

Rory turned to Dean, "So who do we want to go see next?"

"I'm not sure, but we have time to figure it out" he kissed her a soft sweet kiss.

The subway was dead, it was silent and they were the only four in the car, Rory and Dean looked around, it felt weird, they finally felt like adults, like they could take care of themselves. "I feel old" Rory looked around her.

"Why is that?" Dean looked down at her.

"I don't know, its just weird being in New York with just my friends, and my boyfriend, no one around, no parents to tell us we're out too late"

"But that shouldn't make you feel old"

"I know, I just do" 

"So how do you and Jess know this Cade fellow?"

"Oh, Cade we've known him for awhile, Jess longer then me."

Dean nodded his head, "How?"

"Well Jess's move to Stars Hallow wasn't his choice, he had to leave everything behind him back in New York, and he was only 8 so that was hard for him. Well his best friend in New York was Cade, he lived with his grandma, and she is the one that introduced Jess to books, so he had an instant bond to her. He was so depressed after the move that Luke would drive us up to New York on the weekends and we would spend it with Cade and his grandma. They were the only family Jess ever really had, and so we would go up there at least once a month sometimes more. After 4 years, Cade's grandma got sick and she passed away. So we went up there for her funeral but after that Jess just couldn't go back. It was too painful, and so we lost touch with Cade, and well yeah. That's the simple version." Rory looked over at Jess, and Dean followed her gaze, he couldn't help but think that sometimes maybe Jess was more important to her then he ever would be.

"Hey you know, I was thinking, maybe we should go on a date sometime, just the two of us, no Jess and Skylar, just us." He pitched the idea.

"No Jess…and No Skylar?"

"We don't have to do everything with them you know, Jess won't disappear if you don't spend every single second with him."

"I know we've just never been on a date without them before you know?"

"Yeah I know that's why we should go on one just the two of us. You and me… somewhere special."

Rory could hear the jealousy in his voice when he mentioned Jess, Jess and he may be best friends, but Dean couldn't help but feel threatened sometimes. "Okay" she replied. 

When she answered him she saw Jess out of the corner of her eye, he stopped kissing Skylar and looked over at her, a date without him? He was hurt.

Rory looked back at Dean and kissed him, "So when is this date?"

"How about next Friday"

"Okay, next Friday it's a date, just you and me."

Rory leaned back against Dean, she felt good, and she was going to go on a real date, her first real date.

"Hey guys?" Skylar spoke up, "Where are we going?"

"It doesn't matter," Jess replied, "No where in particular, just enjoying the ride and a night out on the town with our friends." He looked over at Rory and smiled.

"Yeah, it doesn't get better then this." She said quietly, but loud enough for all of them to hear.

"Ditto" Jess replied.

…And they continued to ride the subway into the night. It didn't matter they had no idea where they were going, they were just happy that the four of them could be together. They were complete, they didn't need to speak, they could just sit, but what they didn't know was that this was the last time the four of them would be in New York together. Not only was it the last time in New York, but one of the last times the four of them would be together at all.


	8. Changes

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: I hope that you guys are enjoying the story, sorry that it took me so long to update, I just haven't had time lately. Anyways did you guys hear about the Jess show being cancelled? Just as I was getting used to the idea of no more Jess on Gilmore Girls (which took me awhile to except) and then getting to watch him for an hour, they take everything away, shame shame… lets just hope that they put him back where he belongs!… anyways Thank You all so much for the wonderful reviews they really do brighten up my day and I hope that I'm not letting you guys down in anyway. Thanks!

Rory and Skylar were best girl friends, Dean and Jess were best guy friends, Rory and Dean were boyfriend and girlfriend as were Jess and Skylar but Jess and Rory remained BEST FRIENDS. Nothing changed between them as they had promised.

But time passed quickly. School came and went and summers flew by. And then the four of them began to grow apart, including Rory and Jess. They aren't sure how it happened, or why it happened, but everything started to fade out, and before they knew it, it was a simple 'Hello' and 'Good-bye' everyday at the diner, nothing like old times.

Then College came, Rory and Dean decided that it be best they break up and go their separate ways. A long distance relationship wouldn't work, and they knew it. Rory decided that she would still live at home and commute to Yale. That way not only did she save money but she could be around for her mom, and Jess if things ever went back to the way they used to be. 

Rory walked into the Diner early one morning, "Morning Luke, you know what I want" she stated.

"Same thing you always get" he smiled at her.

"Hey Luke?" she looked down at her hands, then back up at him, "Is Jess around?"

"You know what? I haven't seen him at all today, I don't even think he came home last night; it looked like his bed hadn't been touched. I'm so used to him usually being with you; if he doesn't sleep here he sleeps at your house… are things okay with you two?"

"Yeah they are fine, we just don't get to see each other much anymore, just these daily visits to the diner" she sat there. The thought of Jess sleeping in someone else's bed innocently… hurt. He was only supposed to sleep in _her_ bed, not Skylar's, no one else's but hers. Luke handed her her coffee and she thanked him and then walked out the diner back to her house to wake up her mom.

Skylar woke up; she turned over and smiled when she saw Jess lying on his back staring at the ceiling. He was still fully clothed, it was a last minute decision for him to stay the night, and it was a first. Skylar noticed that he seemed unhappy, "Jess you okay?" she asked, afraid of the answer.

"Yeah I'm fine" he replied, "I'm just thinking about Rory, I miss her that's all." He turned so that he was facing her, "Sorry I know I shouldn't talk about her with you"

"No tell me about it" she smiled, "She's my friend too. I don't want you to feel you can't tell me something, you can tell me anything, no secrets."

He sighed, "No, I can't. You see that was mine and Rory's thing, I could tell her anything, no secrets, and now I barely even see her. Ever since college started I only see her when she comes into the diner. We are both so busy, it's like we don't have time for each other anymore, since when have we not had time for each other?" he paused as if he was expecting Skylar to answer. "I miss her, so much, sometimes I can't sleep and other times I'll wake up and get dressed to go see her in the middle of the night, and then I remember times have changed, and that I can't do that to you." He sighed and turned back onto to his back so he was once again staring at the ceiling, "It's just that we've been friends since we were 8. She was my only friend, the only person that would be my friend, my only real friend. When I first moved here she was the only person that I would talk to, I wouldn't even talk to Luke, there was something about her, and she just made me happy. I was a very sad little boy and she seemed to be the only person that could cheer me up. We had a special friendship; she read the same books as me. We could _always_ talk about books together. Sometimes if we didn't have anything to do, we could just hang out, and we didn't have to talk, we could just read. I can't do that with anyone else. But worst of all I feel like I'm betraying her, because I'm with you, here I am in _your _bed. It's always been _her_ bed. I mean its not that there is something wrong with your bed, its just that it was an innocent night. All those nights have always been shared with Rory. And although I feel like I'm betraying her I feel like I'm betraying you too because so many of these special things are Rory's. Its like she owns them, she owns parts of me, but yet you're my girlfriend and you should have all of me!" he stopped and looked at her to make sure she was following along. "I'm so sorry Skylar but I have to go" He stood up and started walking to the door. "Are you mad at me?"

She looked up at him; she really didn't know what to say. Jess had never ever opened up that much to her or even said that many words all at once to her at the same time. She was shocked she didn't know what to think, but then she looked up at him, and looked into his eyes, and for once she truly saw what Rory Gilmore saw in him. A side of him he never shared with her before, but then it went away, and fast as it came, it disappeared and she realized that was the first and last time she would ever see that. But in that split second Skylar saw the hurt in his eyes, and the remorse he was feeling. He really didn't want to hurt her, and with that hurt Skylar saw love the love that he had for her. She had never seen so much love in someone's eyes before. She knew that he loved her, but she didn't know that he loved her that much. Maybe there was room for her, after that speech she thought that he loved Rory, but he didn't love Rory the way he loved her. Skylar was staring at him, then she looked away to the side with tears in her eyes and slowly shook her head no… no, she wasn't mad at him, she couldn't be after seeing that, and then she whispered a small and almost silent "No".

He smiled, "Good, I'm Sorry for that, it wasn't like me" he stated, then he walked over to her and gave her small innocent kiss on the lips, "Ill call you later," he walked to the door and turned around, "and Skylar" she looked up, "I love you" he smiled and left. 

She sat there on her bed the words replaying in her head, 'It wasn't like me' but that was him. That was the real him that he kept hidden, that he shielded from all the world but one person, Rory, it almost seemed not fair, but in the same way, it was completely fair.

As Rory slowly started approaching her house she looked over at Skylar's house, her neighbor and saw the front door slowly open, she slowed down her pace and waited to see who it was, and then she saw it was Jess. She stopped and waited for him to see her.

As Jess was leaving Skylar's house he glanced over at Rory's house quickly, maybe she would be outside. He looked up and there she stood, it was like she was in his head, and heard everything he just told Skylar and everything he was just thinking. He made eye contact with her and walked over to meet her. "Rory" he said quietly a small smile creeping onto his face.

"Jess" a smile spread across her face, and then she hugged him. 

He pulled her tight to his body, he missed this. Their hugs and their talking, he missed everything. "Let's not let so much time pass next time." He whispered in her ear as they hugged.

"Let's not let any time pass" she whispered back and then pulled away. 

"We both know that can't happen, we have things to do Rory, we both have very different schedules."

She looked down at the ground he was right, "Fine, let's not let _so_ much time pass, Lets keep each other updated, and have more then a 'hello, goodbye' conversation more often, maybe sit down and read a book together" she smiled.

"Yeah I like the sound of that" he kissed her on the cheek, "I have to get going. I'm sure Luke is wondering where I am seeing as how you already stopped by and I wasn't with you, plus I'm sure he needs some help… I miss you Rory" and he was ending their conversation. After everything he had just told Skylar he was bringing this conversation to a quick end. And it hurt, because he knew it was longest conversation they had had in a long time and he knew it was the longest conversation they would have in the near future. 

"I miss you too" she hadn't realized it but they were holding hands, and as he started to walk away they held on tight, but as he kept walking he was getting farther away and before she knew it their hands slipped apart and her arm fell to her side. It was at that moment that she realized no matter how badly both of them wanted things to go back to normal, they never would. 


	9. Engaged Men

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will….

AN: I just wanted to say that this IS a lit story and Jess and Rory will be together in the end, its just going to take some time to get there. But anyways it seemed like some of you were upset that they were just friends, but I promise you this does have a happy ending. Once again thank you to everyone who reviewed! You guys RAWK!!

They were both right, things didn't go back to how they used to be, and they never did sit down and read a book together. It was still a very simple quick and short conversation in the diner.

But on the bright side, Jess and Skylar were doing better then ever. They had managed to stay together all this time, and were actually happy. They were so in love, you could see it in their eyes when they looked at each other, or when they heard the others name just mentioned, it was the kind of love everyone wished they could find. And when two people are that in love, it can only get better from there.

It was late one night and Jess and Skylar were lying in her bed. 

Skylar looked over at Jess who was staring at her with stars in his eyes, "I'm so lucky that I have you" she smiled.

"I know," he laughed, "And I'm lucky to have you."

"I can't picture ever being with anyone else"

Jess thought about that for a minute, he couldn't agree for himself because he always saw himself with Rory. He never imagined being with anyone but her. "I can't believe we've made it this far" he changed the subject.

"I know 4 years already, and we're happier then we ever were, I just know we were meant to be, we're going to grow old together Jess, I can feel it" she looked over at him and he seemed to be deep in thought.

"You think we can make it that far?" he asked she nodded a small nod and smiled and then kissed him, "Then let's get married." He looked at her deeply.

"What?" she was surprised; she didn't see that one coming. 

"Lets get married, I don't mean right now, and I don't mean in the near future, but let me put a ring on your finger and claim you my own, take you off the market"

"Are you sure?" she asked, she didn't want him to regret it, she thought that maybe it was just a spur of the moment thing and the moment would pass and he would change his mind, but he shook his head eagerly. "Okay then, Yes! Yes I'll marry you Jess"

He pulled her to him and kissed her with all the passion he could find. It was settled, he was getting married, he had a fiancé, and then it hit him, he had never pictured him the type of guy to get married, not ever. But if he did ever imagine it, his future, the bride to be would always have been Rory. All of his thoughts always went back to her, she was burned into his mind, he would never be able to forget her, and then he realized he had to tell her. He got up off Skylar's bed, and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Skylar asked.

"I have to go do something"

"Jess, its 3 A.M. what could you possibly have to do at this early hour?"

"I have to tell Rory the good news" he looked at her, and the expression on his face was softened. Anything that had to do with her made him soft.

Skylar realized there was nothing she could do. He had to tell her and he had to tell her now. "Okay, but hurry back, I'll be waiting" she smiled.

He quietly exited her room and went out her front door. As soon as his bare feet hit the cold and hard cement he ran, he ran as fast as he could the whole 50 feet to Rory's house, he started going up the porch and then remembered what time it was. He stopped and looked around. Her window, she always left it opened a crack just in case he wanted to come over.

He walked over to the window and even though things weren't the same between them and he hadn't been in her room in almost a year the window was still opened a crack. He smiled, she didn't forget, she thought about him just as much as he thought about her. He climbed through the window and into her room. She didn't even move. She was sound asleep. He slowly walked over to his side of the bed and lifted the covers and lay down next to her. He kissed her forehead and found her feet with his own. They were freezing from the cold cement outside and he needed something to warm them up and she opened her eyes.

"Jess?" she asked, maybe she was dreaming, it had been a long time since he was in her bed. "Is that you?"

"It's me alright" he smiled, she was so sweet and innocent looking when she slept, "What are you doing?" he asked.

She laughed at him, "Well I was sleeping, but then this jerk I know crawled into my bed and woke me up at…" she looked over at the clock, "…3 in the morning, he's a freak like that"

"You want me to beat him up?" he asked.

"Would you? He's a pretty scrawny guy I'm sure he wouldn't be that much trouble"

"Just give me his name and address and I'll do it first thing in the morning"

She smiled, "so what brings you here at this early hour of the morning?" she paused and before she let him answer, "Don't think I'm complaining, I miss this, I miss you."

"And I miss you, but the reason I'm here is because I have to tell you something."

She sat up a little so she could meet him eye to eye, "What? What is so important you had to disturb me and interrupt my beauty sleep to tell me?" she joked.

"First off you need a lot more then just sleep to make that face beautiful, but that's besides the point" he laughed, it felt good to joke with her, after all the time passed they could go back to normal and tease each other, there was never anything weird between the two of them, no awkward moments and no weird feelings, "I'm getting married" he blurted out, "Skylar and I are getting married"

Her eyes got huge, "Married?" she asked.

"Yep, I married, I'm an engaged man, and I had to tell you, I couldn't wait, we just decided five minutes ago, and as soon as I asked her I got up and ran here"

"Congratulations" she smiled and then leaned over and hugged him, "I never pictured you the married man"

"Me either, and if I did it was always with you. I just thought that we would remain best friends forever, and always have that relationship, we'd have an open marriage but we'd have a family, because we shared everything, and we would be together forever."

"We are still best friends, Jess, we always will be, remember, no matter what"

"I know" he reassured her, "Always and forever" he smiled at her, "Now I have to get back to Skylar."

He started to get up from the bed, but Rory grabbed him, "Stay for just a while longer?" she begged, and he lay back down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, "remember when I couldn't sleep without you?" she snuggled up to him and he nodded, "It took me forever to break that habit, I didn't sleep for a week at one point"

"I couldn't sleep for two" he said quietly. "Remember the first time we tried? What were we 13?" he laughed.

"I remember" Rory thought back, "I could never forget, it was the day I became a woman" she said gracefully.

"Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"Yep" she nodded.

"Huh. That's funny because you sure didn't handle it like a woman" he laughed.

"Hey now, it was my first day, I was still learning" she smiled.

"Yeah, sure, I remember coming over here and you wouldn't even let me in the house"

"Yeah" Rory giggled, "That was funny"

"No it wasn't, I didn't know what I did wrong, so then I got out my key and you freaked out, and ran straight to your room before I even got the door unlocked. Then when I got to your door I was knocking on it like crazy and you started yelling at me and wouldn't let me in there either" he said with a frown.

"Yep, and then when you left I fell on my bed and cried my heart out because I couldn't tell you what was happening."

"Yes you could have, I was there for you, I still am here for you." He said warmly.

"You wouldn't have understood" she shook her head.

"I could have tried" he replied quietly.

"No, it was something I had to deal with on my own, it was a girl thing"

"Well you could have at least told me something, I remember thinking you were so mad at me, I went home and Luke tried to talk to me, but I refused because I was so hurt."

"Well I was mad at you… I was mad because you were a boy and you didn't have to deal with having a period, it wasn't fair."

"Yeah, well however mad you were, can you remind me who it was that was throwing pebbles at my window at 2 in the morning?"

"Who me?" she asked innocently.

"Yes, _YOU!" he smiled a true genuine smile, he missed those days._

"Well I couldn't sleep without you, _trust me_, I tried" she assured him.

"Well I guess it was okay, because I couldn't sleep without you either, partly because you were mad at me, partly because you weren't there with me, and partly because YOU were throwing rocks at my window!"

Rory laughed at him, "Well it worked out for the better, you came downstairs and we went to the bridge, and I tried to explain to you what was happening to me."

"Yep and every time you tried to tell me, you burst into to tears, you BABY!"

"I was a baby, a baby on the verge of becoming a woman. I cried and you hugged me and then I cried myself right to sleep in your arms, the only place that made me feel safe."

"Then somehow I fell asleep next to you, I don't even remember falling asleep, I just remember waking up."

"Oh yeah" Rory remembered, " that was the day my mom went to Luke's looking for me in the morning, and Luke told her we were at my house, and then they both freaked out, they sent the whole town looking for us."

"And they found us a whole 3 minutes later, actually the cops found us, we thought we were in trouble and you started to crying again, but it all turned out okay, what an adventure."

"Yep those were the good ol' days, when we were innocent, and free, we weren't engaged men!" Rory reminded him.

Jess snapped out of the past, "Yep, well you're not an engaged man so that's good."

They both smiled at each other, they missed each other, and they missed the past.

"Stay her till I fall asleep?" she asked quietly, almost asleep already.

"Okay" he whispered.

"I wish I could have you back, I wish things would go back to how they used to be"

"Ditto" he replied. 'Ditto' had always been their word. They were so much alike and when they both thought and wanted the same thing, the would reply with the simple 'Ditto', it was a word that was so special, and held so much for the both of them that now it hurt to say it.


	10. Friends Forgotten

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…. 

AN: First off I want to say again that this will be a lit story, and that's a promise. I want you all to understand the love that Jess and Skylar have first though. Because in true life love doesn't come that easy, it takes time, I think people need more then one love in their lifetime as well. People also don't just drop everything and everyone to be with their best friends. In this case neither has yet really admitted to them self that they love the other one, so I don't want them to just come out and say it to each other. It takes time for it all to develop, I don't want them just thrown into a relationship, and don't forget there is a baby on the way... Okay that's enough explaining. I hope that you all understand and thank you to all of those who reviewed and are still reading this…

After that night Rory and Jess tried their hardest to patch up the missing pieces of their friendship, but once again things weren't the same. Jess now had a whole new life; he had a fiancé to take care of… 

It was mid-afternoon when Skylar stepped off the bus and walked into Luke's Diner. She immediately spotted Jess behind the counter and made her way to sit right in front of him.

He leaned over and kissed her, "So?"

"So what?" she looked up at him.

"What did the Doctor say?"

"About what?" she knew what.

"About you being sick, are you okay?" he was concerned.

"Oh yeah I'm fine, better then ever, turns out I'm not even sick."

"Your not? I could have sworn you were."

"Can we go upstairs for a minute? I have a present for you." She smiled.

"A present huh? I like presents." He raised an eyebrow. 

She got up from the counter and he came and met her grabbing her hand and leading up the stairs to the apartment.

"Sit down on the bed." She commanded, "And I'll go get your present."

He sat down as she walked out of the room. As soon as she left he stood up and walked to the door but she was faster then he thought and she was at the door before he made it all the way there.

"Here" she handed him a wrapped box.

He looked at her confused and slowly unwrapped the box, he wasn't sure what to expect. When he got the box open there was a mug inside that read '#1 Dad', and a hat that read 'Worlds Greatest Dad', and last but not least a small baby outfit that read 'Daddy's little Girl', Jess looked up at Skylar, "What is all this?"

"What's it look like?" she smiled.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" his eyes were serious.

"Jess I'm pregnant," she sat down on the bed next to him.

Jess looked over at her and grabbed her hand squeezing it tightly. He kissed her on the forehead, and let out a small sigh, "and it's a girl?"

She looked up at him with a small smile on her face, "I'm three months along, and well honestly I don't know what the sex is, but I have this feeling, this sense that it's a girl, I just know it has to be"

"We're having a baby girl" he still hadn't let out a smile, "We're engaged, you're pregnant, and it's a girl." He reminded himself.

"Jess are you okay? What are your thoughts about this?" she was concerned now. She wasn't sure how he would take the news, but for some reason she thought he'd go crazy, and he was definitely not going crazy, he was way too calm.

"I'm fine, I just found out I'm going to be a dad, I'm going to have a baby with the girl I love, that I'm engaged to be married to, I'm fine, I'm better then fine, I'm happy, I'm better then happy, I'm ecstatic! This is wonderful Sky, our life is starting, our life together of happiness is starting, this is only the beginning, there will be plenty more to come." He smiled. "When are we going to tell everyone?"

"Whenever you want" she smiled, "But I'm sure you'll want to tell Rory first."

He looked over at her; Rory hadn't even crossed his mind. His smile disappeared as he thought about Rory, how could he not have thought about telling Rory first, he told her everything before he told anyone else, and this time he forgot about her, "yeah" he said slowly and quietly, a bit of pain in his voice, his expression didn't change. His eyes were dark, and his smile was gone, all he could think about was how he forgot Rory. He slowly got off the bed and kissed Skylar, "Yeah I'm going to go tell Rory." Then he slowly made his way out the apartment and out the diner over to Rory's house, he was going to go tell Rory.

Rory was sitting on her bed when she looked out her window and saw Jess heading towards her house, for a second she thought he was going to Skylar's house, but she looked up again and he was definitely making his way to her door. She jumped off the bed and ran toward and out the door before he even made it to the mailbox.

"JESS" she yelled as she ran right into his arms, she hugged him tight, but his hug was loose. She let go and backed up, he was distant, he was thinking, "Jess is everything all right?"

"When did we grow so far apart Rory?"

She looked at him, that's not what she was expecting.

He looked up at her, and Rory looked into his eyes, she could read everything about them, he was hurt, she saw pain.

"I don't know" she replied quietly.

"Me either, but I hate it, do you know what happened today?" he asked her.

She shook her head, "No" she whispered as she grabbed his hand.

"Skylar came to me today and told me she was pregnant, and I was happy, I was excited, and I asked her when we were going to tell everyone, and she replied whenever I wanted to but that I would probably want to tell you first, but the thing is, you didn't even cross my mind, I didn't think of you until she said your name, I forgot about you Rory, How could I forget you?"

They were now sitting in the curb side by side, and Rory still had a tight grip on his hand "Skylar's pregnant?"

"Yes, but that's not the point Rory, I forgot about you, Skylar had to remind me of you, you're my best friend, how does someone forget their best friend?"

"Jess listen to me, it's okay, We have different lives now, there are so many new people in both our lives, it was bound to happen eventually. You were caught up in the moment, you found out you were going to be a dad, you and Skylar are going to be parents; she is going to be your wife, if you forgot her, it would be a problem, but I'm just your childhood buddy, who over time has grown up and grown apart. Things aren't how they used to be Jess, and they aren't going to go back, its okay I wasn't the first person that popped into you head, I still love you." She smiled, and he looked up at her.

"And I love you, but I forgot you Rory, that's not a true friend." He was beating himself up over it.

"Jess its okay, really, don't let it get you down, I don't think any of less of you, I don't think any less of us, we're friends to the end, remember? Your still my small little 8 year old Jess, you'll always be my first kiss, my first crush, my first true friend, you'll always be the little boy that cried like a girl when Macaulay Culkin died in _My Girl_." She laughed at the memory.

"Hey that's not fair," he smiled, "It reminded me a lot about us, well except for the fact that you didn't live with your father, your mother wasn't dead, I wasn't allergic to bees and you didn't live in a mortuary, it still reminded me of us, I had this fear for a month that I was going to die" he laughed, "Remember I wouldn't go to the bridge because there were too many trees, and I swore on my life there was a bee hive there somewhere and the second I got near it they were going to attack and kill me."

Rory laughed with him, "See we'll always have the memories."

"Yeah" he agreed. 

There was a long silence; neither knew what to say to one another, "So you're going to be dad."

"It looks that way."

"How exciting" Rory smiled, "Would you mind if I stopped in every once in awhile, you know, maybe I could help Skylar along with her pregnancy, so I can be an active part of the baby's life."

Jess looked up at her and smiled, "Why do you even ask?"

"I guess I'm just being polite that's all" she smiled.

"Rory Gilmore? Polite? Since when do you care about being polite?"

"Since right about…" she looked down at her watch and tapped it with her finger, "NOW!"

Jess laughed at her, "Stop by whenever you want, you know where to find us."

 "That I do" she smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, they both just sat there, and for that small second, it felt like they were eight again.


	11. Doubts

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

So Skylar was pregnant. It wasn't something that was planned, but yet it wasn't a mistake either. Jess was more excited then ever and Skylar was scared. Yes they were engaged but they weren't married, and they were young.

Since Skylar was scared the only person she seemed to be able to turn to was Rory. They had been friends in high school, and for some odd reason it seemed that Rory was her only friend aside from Jess.

Rory became a very active part of Skylar's pregnancy. She was constantly at her side, helping with whatever she needed help with. It was Jess's baby which made it almost like her own. She couldn't wait, a little jess, or "jess"ica would soon enough be running around and Rory wanted to be there for every part of it.

 "Rory, I don't know if I can do this." Skylar said scared waiting for the doctor to call her in.

"What do you mean? You're doing fine so far." She comforted her.

"No I mean _this, all of it, I'm scared, I mean I'm only 20 years old, I have my whole life ahead of me, a baby is a huge responsibility, I'm not sure I can handle it."_

            "Skylar you can do this, my mom was only 16 when she had me, and look at her life, it couldn't be better, and look at me, I'm well… me, plus she was alone in all of this, you have Jess, and you have me."

            "I know that Jess can handle it but I don't know if I can. I've never seen Jess more excited about anything in his life. He cant wait to become a dad, and for us to finally get married, but I don't think he understands how hard it is going to be, He thinks its like a puppy, its not a puppy, it's a CHILD"

            "Jess never really was a dog person" Rory laughed,  she looked over at Skylar, who had a very worried look on her face, "Sorry, listen its going to be fine, I will help out as much as possible,  and this is just the beginning of  the wonderful life you have ahead of you. Just think… once this baby is born Jess and you are finally going to get married, a true husband and wife, and you'll have a beautiful baby, your life is perfect, you have an amazing husband to be who actually cares about you, wants to marry you, and more importantly wants that baby, I wish I was only as lucky as you." 

Rory thought about her life, she wished she was Skylar, that way it would be her and Jess having a baby, her and Jess engaged to be married. But she wasn't Skylar and she never would be. 

"Maybe your right" Skylar tried reassuring herself, "If Jess can do this, I can do this, at least I have a Jess right?" she looked over at Rory nervously.

"Right" Rory nodded her head. Just then the Doctor called Skylar in, "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I can do this" she smiled as she walked through the door leaving Rory sitting alone in the waiting room.

When the appointment was done they shopped around in Hartford for awhile picking out cute baby items that would look adorable in the nursery. Skylar was thankful that she had Rory; otherwise she would be doing this all alone.

When they finally made it back to Stars Hallow they went straight to the diner. Jess was behind the counter waiting for them, he set a coffee cup on the counter for Rory and she smiled at him. Skylar came walking through with tons of bags; Jess took them from her and set them down near the stairs.

"So how was the Doctor's appointment?" he asked.

"It was fine," Skylar replied, "Everything is going great, I'm healthy, the babies healthy, we're moving right along in the right direction."

"Good to know" he kissed her a soft kiss before heading back behind the counter.

"I'm going to take these bags upstairs and rest my feet on that nice comfy couch calling my name, if you need me, you'll know where to find me." She stood up slowly and made her way upstairs into the apartment.

"So it's all okay?" Jess asked Rory for reassurance.

"Its all okay" she smiled, she went to open her mouth to say something but she shut it quickly.

"What?" Jess asked with a very concerned look on his face.

"What, what?" Rory looked around.

"You were going to say something but stopped."

"Oh well I was just going to ask if you and Skylar have really talked about this whole baby situation seriously, but it's really none of my business."

"No it's your business, you are like a second mother to this child, but what makes you ask?"

"Well she just told me today that she was really scared, that she's having her doubts, not about you, but about herself, you do realize this is child right Jess?"

"Yes I realize it's a _child Rory, what did you think I thought it was just like a puppy or something?"_

She smiled, "I didn't, but Skylar might have thought that."

"I'll talk to her later," he was wiping the counter, "I'm sure it's much harder on her then it is on me."

Rory smiled and nodded her head, "you got that right".

"Thanks for helping out Rory, I really don't know what Skylar or I would do without you, you've made everything 10 times easier for the both of us."

"Yeah well what are friends for right?"

"You're not a friend…" he looked her straight in the eyes, "your family."

"Right family…I still can't believe your about to be a father. It is such a scary thought" she laughed.

Jess looked at her with a hurt expression on his face before he started laughing, "It is scary huh?"

"Why are you laughing? You're not supposed to agree with me goob! You're supposed to say, it's not scary, I'm going to be a great father."

Jess looked at her very seriously, but in a jokingly way, "Well I am going to be a great father, but that doesn't mean its not scary, I'm young, I can barely take care of me, let alone Skylar, I figure if the kid gets too hard I'll just throw it to the wolves, maybe give it to Luke for Christmas or his birthday, which ever comes first." he shrugged. 

"And you say your going to be a great father, I just don't see it." She started looking him up and down

"Its in my toe, I can feel it."

"Right, your toe, that's always where everything has been; your fear of heights, your love of water, and now your parenting skills, just think what would ever happen if you lost that toe." 

"I would be a cat afraid to jump that found my only pleasure in scratching up poor defenseless children."

"What a sad and pathetic life, you better watch that toe like it's made out of gold." She smiled.

"Oh I already do, trust me." He laughed. "It feels good to laugh again with you Rory. To talk about stupid non-important things and enjoy it."

"It does feel good." She agreed, "Really who else could you talk to about that sort of thing with."

"No one. Because no one gets me like you do."

"Ditto" she nodded, "And I don't think anyone ever will."

"Well don't think like that or you'll be alone for the rest of your life."

"Well even if I do find someone, they'll never know me like you know me."

"I guess, but that's just because we have a past, they will know certain things that I don't because they'll know your future."

"Kind of like Skylar?"

"Nah." He shook his head, "Me and Skylar have no secrets."

"Huh. But there are some things she knows that I don't." 

Jess looked at her, "Like what?"

"She knows what its like to kiss you, and sleep with you, and to have you."

"But you know all that too, we've kissed, we've slept, you've had."

"But not the way she has, she knows what its like to _be_ with you." Rory took a sip of her coffee.

Jess looked at her, "But you know everything that matters, and just so you know, you still have me Rory, I'm not going anywhere."

Rory smiled, she didn't know everything that mattered, kissing and sleeping did matter to her. She thought about it, why does it matter? He's her best friend; it shouldn't matter, not unless there were feelings there. She started to panic at the thought and then looked at him "I have to get going, movie night tonight, and you know how my mom gets if I'm late."

"Boy do I know, witnessed it first hand myself, not a pretty sight" 

"You're telling me?" Rory laughed, "Night Jess."

"Night Rory", he watched her as she left the diner. He turned back to her cup of coffee and picked it up off the counter cleaning where she had just sat. Movie night, he missed those; it used to be mandatory that he came, and now they held them without him. When did he stop going, and why he thought? He should never have let things change; he missed it all too much.


	12. Good Old Fashioned Fun

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: This chapter is for Smile. I had everything planned out but since she asked for this I had to write it for her, I hope it's to your liking…

Jess stood there at the counter, thinking about how much he missed Movie Nights and then he paused and looked around. There was no one in the diner so he quickly locked the door and flipped the 'Open' sign to 'Closed'. He ran upstairs into the apartment to find Skylar asleep on the couch. _'Perfect'_ he thought, he quickly scribbled down a note and left it on the counter for Skylar to find when she woke up.

Rory and her mother were still putting all the junk food on the table when there was a knock at door.

            "See who that is will you? And tell them to go away because it's MOVIE NIGHT!" Lorelai did a small move that resembled some sort of exotic dance.

            Rory laughed at her mother as she made her way over to the door. When she opened it, she smiled a huge smile, "Jess, what are you doing here?"

            "Movie Night right?" 

            "Right, but aren't you supposed to be working?"

            "We closed early tonight."

            "Well what about Skylar?"

            "Asleep."

            "Oh" she nodded her head.

            "Do you not want me here or something, because if you don't too bad, I have a paper here that says you have to let me in." he held up his hand to reveal a very yellow and worn piece of paper.

            "You still have that?"

            "Of course I do." He smiled.

            Rory quickly grabbed it from him and read it out loud, "This here contract states that under any circumstances Jess Mariano must be let into the Gilmore residence on the night of any Movie Night. This contract also states he is not aloud to miss one Movie Night; if he does there will be hell to pay. I don't care if he is on a date or grounded, in another state or sick, he must attend all movie nights NO MATTER WHAT!!... Signed Lorelai Gilmore, Lorelai 'Rory' Gilmore and Jess Mariano… Well I think you broke this contract along time ago, so technically I don't have to let you in if I don't want to." She smiled and looked down at the paper. She remembered the day they made that contract, they were 8 years old, Jess had been living in Stars Hallow for only 4 months, but he was already family. She looked back up at Jess before moving out of the way so he could come in, "We're still setting up the food, we could use some help."

            Jess smiled and walked passed her as he made his way into the kitchen.

            "MOM!!! You won't believe who was at the door and what he brought with him."

            "Who?" Lorelai started to get excited, just then Jess walked through the door from the kitchen carrying everything that was left on the table, "JESS!!" she jumped up and hugged him, "Long time no see old pal, what did you bring with you, a present for me?"

            "Look" Rory handed her the contract.

            "You still have your contract?"

            "Or course I do, you guys say it like it's some sort of shock, just because you girls lost yours doesn't mean I lost mine."

            "Yes is does" they both agreed.

            Jess shook his head and made his way over the couch.

The three of them took there seats around the TV, Lorelai and Rory at both ends of the couch and Jess stuck in the middle of the two of them, Rory was leaning into Jess's shoulder and Lorelai had her feet resting across his lap, he rolled his eyes and sighed before turning his attention back to the TV.

            "Jess?" Rory spoke quietly.

            "Huh?" he looked over at her.

            "What made you decide to come? I mean you haven't come in years, why now?"

            He tilted his head, "Because I miss you, after you mentioned Movie Night, I remembered our contract how things have changed so much, I guess I just wanted to relive old times, remember what it used to be like, and what better way to remember then a good old fashioned Movie Night!"

            Rory smiled, "I'm glad you came, I think we should make up a new contract, and you can bring Skylar with you if you want, since she is a major part of your life now and she's not going to sleep through every Movie Night."

            "Yeah I think making a new contract is a good idea" Lorelai added.

            "Me too" Jess agreed, "But no Skylar."

            Rory looked over at him with a shocked look on her face, "Its okay if you want to bring her, really, she and I are very close now, and we're friends, almost like sisters."

            "I know, but lets keep it old fashioned, just the three of us." He looked over and Rory and winked.

            "Okay" she smiled, "Old fashioned it is."

They finished the mocking and the movie, they finished the food and the drinks, and they reminisced about old times, and smiled for the times ahead.

            Lorelai had already gone upstairs to bed, leaving Jess and Rory alone on the couch. They both sat there in silence staring at the blank TV screen, Rory still leaning against him.

            "I better get going" Jess spoke up as he stretched his arms.

            "Yeah it's getting late; I'm sure you have things to do and people to see."

            "Oh don't you know it!" he laughed.

            "Yeah and I have school in the morning," she stood up off the couch and Jess followed, they walked over to the door. "I had fun tonight; I forgot what good times the two, well three of us used to have."

            "Me too, I really enjoyed it and I can't wait till next Thursday, I wont be late this time, I promise."

            "Pinky promise?" Rory held up her pinky.

            Jess locked his pinky with hers, "Pinky promise." He nodded, and then pulled her into a hug.

            "I wish you didn't have to go, really make it like old times and you'd spend the night."

            "Yeah but I have responsibilities now, believe it or not, I've matured." He made a cocky face to show he was proud of himself.

            "I've seen it with my own two eyes, but I still don't believe it." She teased. Jess pushed her, "Hey watch it, you're a lot stronger than you used to be, well…" she felt his arm, "…maybe not" she shrugged.

            "Oh you are just so funny" he shook his head.

            "Yeah well I try."

            "Too hard" he added.

            Rory smiled and hugged him again, the door was now open, "Night Jess, Come again, and soon."

            "I will" he smiled at her as he made his way out the door and closed it behind him.

            Rory locked the door and leaned against it with a large smile on her face. This was one of the best nights she had had in a very long time.  Actually since the last time her and Jess were together, and actually hung out instead of just a quick meeting in the diner. Things were looking up for her; she pushed herself up off the door and made her way to her room with a smile on her face. She looked out her window and saw Jess making his way back to diner; he turned around and waved at her which caused her smile to grow even wider.


	13. The beginning of a new life

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you who are still reading this, and sticking by it. Also thanks to all of you who still read and don't review, just knowing that someone out there is reading this is enough for me. So THANK YOU to everyone who is reading this now. Also if you get bored sometime and just want to read a quick one chapter story you can check out my other story, Endless Love, give it a shot, you just may like it or hate it, either way as long as it was read. 

Nine months passed quicker then anyone had even imagined. Rory had been there every step of the way. Although she was around more often, she was hanging out with Skylar, and still rarely saw Jess. He was very busy, looking for a place to live, working, and preparing for the baby on the way. ****

School was still the most important thing in Rory's life. She had made tons of new friends, and there was a boy that she had her eye on. The truth was he reminded her of Jess, he had that dark and mysterious way, and always had his head in a book, yet he wasn't a nerd, his eyes were hidden from the rest of the world, and Rory wanted to be the one to open them up. 

But soon her life was going to change, partly for the better and partly for the worse. And she never would get the chance the make a difference in that boy's life. Because everything she ever wanted was about to come true, at least that's what she thought at first. 

She was sitting in class listening to her teacher ramble about something off topic for the third time already in the last half hour. She was staring at the clock realizing that she was wasting her time. Not that school was a waste of her time, but this was a mandatory class, that wasn't getting her any closer to anything she wanted to be. Her bag was leaning against her foot when it suddenly started to vibrate. She leaned over and pulled out her phone which was on silent, she read the caller ID and it was Jess's number. It was time, Skylar was having her baby, and Jess was about to be a dad.

Rory quickly rose up from where she was sitting grabbed her things and ran out the door. She ran all the way to her car which was parked in the farthest stall, in the parking lot half way across campus, when she finally reached her car out of breath she searched for her keys, fumbling to get them in the key hole.

Everything was going perfect. She made it to her car in record time, since she left half way through class she made it out of the parking lot rather quickly, she even managed to make every green light, but the second she reached the freeway, it was traffic for miles to come. 

_'Great'_ she thought, _'I knew it was all going too perfect'_.

She finally reached the hospital an hour and 30 minutes later then she had planned on it. She ran right into the waiting room when she saw Jess already standing outside, staring at the delivery room door.

            "Jess!" she said with a huge grin on her face. He turned to look at her as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. "Congratulations!" 

            He smiled a small smile, and turned to look at the delivery room door once more.

            "What are you doing here standing and staring at the door for? Aren't you supposed to be in there, holding her hand as she squeezes the life out of it or something?" Rory asked looking at same door he was staring at. 

            "Key word _supposed"__ he looked over at her quickly. With a very concerned look on his face, and worry in his eyes he continued, "They kicked me out, I __was in there holding her hand" he held up his hand which was bright red, "But then something happened, something went wrong, and they asked me to step outside, so here I am. Outside. Standing here. With no idea of what is even happening in there."_

            Rory looked over at Jess and his hand which he was still holding up in the air, "I'm sure its just normal procedure Jess, and I'm sure its fine."

            "This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life Rory, but I'm scared, I'm worried, I've never had so many emotions going through me all at once." His hand was now shaking.

            Rory grabbed his hand, "Come on let's sit down and stare at the door together." 

            They both took a seat facing the door, Rory was still holding his hand and the second they sat down the delivery room door swung open, and the same doctor that had asked Jess to step outside walked towards him.

            "Mr. Mariano." He shook his head and looked over at Rory.

            "That's me" Jess jumped quickly out of his chair and Rory was quickly at his side.

            "Mr. Mariano, I'm sorry…" 

            He was cut off by Jess, "Sorry for what?" the tears already started to fill his eyes.

            "There were complications, we tried everything we could, but we could only save her or the baby, I'm sorry but she didn't make it." The doctor looked down at the floor.

            "Who? Who didn't make it?" Jess cried out.

            "You're wife." the doctor simply stated.

            "She wasn't my wife… yet." Jess felt himself go weak and fell to the floor, Rory tried to catch him but she fell right along with him.

            The doctor looked at them one last time before turning and walking away.

            Jess looked up, "Wait!" he shouted to the doctor, "And my baby?"

            The doctor stopped and turned around one last time, "Your daughter is fine, she is very healthy and the nurse's are cleaning her up as we speak, you can see her whenever you want"

            Jess looked over at Rory, "My daughter, did you hear that Rory? My daughter, I have a daughter who will never even know her mother." And the tears kept pouring. Skylar was gone, she was never going to come back again, and she was never going to know her daughter.  "Skylar's gone?" he cried, "Gone? She can't be gone. I was just with her less than an hour ago, she was smiling her beautiful smile, she's a mother now, and she can't be gone." He cried out to himself, but knew Rory was listening. "She's too young, too perfect to be gone." Jess continued to mumble, he was like a crazy man that heard no one around him, only his own words, and mumbled as if his words were the truth, 'she can't be gone' was all he kept repeating. As long as he continued to say it, it was true, Skylar wasn't gone, because he didn't believe it, but the truth was, she was gone.

            Rory honestly didn't know what to say. She was crying her self. Skylar was like a sister to her, especially in these last few months. She wasn't gone, she couldn't be, she thought to herself. All could she could hear were Jess's words repeating in her ear, 'she can't be gone.' But then something in Rory snapped, and she looked over at Jess who had already looked like he aged 5 years, from just sitting there on the floor for 5 min. He was so weak and helpless already, so Rory put on her strong face. She had to be strong now. She had to be strong for Jess. She wiped away her tears and hugged him.

            "Jess you can't do this." She comforted him, "Please don't do this now."

            "She can't be gone," he cried, "I loved her too much" he said as he still refused to believe it. 

            Rory had lost him, he was spiraling down, into the dark hole of denial, she had to do something, but she wasn't sure what, she had never seen her best friend act this way before. In all the years she knew him, he always had his head up, and was strong, emotion was a stranger to Jess, "Jess, you can't do this, not now, you have to be strong. Please be strong."  She begged him, and then put her hand on his face turning it so he could look at her.

            "I can't do this alone Rory."

            "Jess you have to be strong, you're a daddy now, you have a beautiful little girl who just lost the only person she's ever known, she needs you more then ever right now, she needs her strong brave dad." Rory was trying to get through to him.

            Jess looked up at her, and looked straight into her eyes that were red from the crying she was doing herself, she peered back into his eyes and they looked lost, they looked like the eyes of a poor innocent child, begging for anything to help them survive. "She's too young to understand, and I can't raise her on my own." He quickly looked at his hands which were shaking.

            "Don't give up so quickly Jess. Don't say you can't do this, because we both know that you can. And you won't be doing this alone, you have me and Luke and my mom. Do this for Skylar Jess, be the father that we both know that you can be, go get your little girl. She needs you and you need her."

            "Is she really gone Rory?" he asked as he was still staring at his shaking hands. He asked her as if it wasn't real, that maybe Rory would tell him no, he always looked to her for the advice and the truth. Whenever there was a problem Rory was the one to go to, because she could fix anything. So he thought that maybe if he asked and she said no, Skylar would come walking out of the delivery room holding their daughter and life would once again be perfect in his eyes.

            "She's gone Jess."

            "She can't be gone, I need her, I can't survive without her, in the last 6 years I don't have a memory that's she's not in, and now how can I make new memories knowing she won't be a part of them?" it was a rhetorical question that he still hoped someone would answer for him, because he honestly wasn't sure how he was going to do it. How he was going to get by, knowing that the one person he truly loved was gone, and never coming back, no matter what he did to try and change it.

            "It takes time, I know, and I'll help you, and you may make new memories but you'll always have the old ones, and you'll always have your daughter to remind you of her."

            At those last words, it seemed to have sparked something inside Jess. He pulled away from Rory and looked at her. His eyes were narrow and it was like a light bulb went on his head. This time he had heard her; the thought that he would have a daily reminder of Skylar scared him and made him happy both at the same time. Whenever he wanted to see her, he could just look at his daughter, Skylar was a part of her, they were blood, she wasn't completely gone, she left behind the best thing he could possibly think of, a child. He stood up and walked to where the nurse was holding his daughter. She handed her to him and he began to cry even more. "You look just like her." He rubbed her small soft face with his thumb, "Looks like it's just me you kiddo… I love you." And he stood there with his daughter in his arms crying until there were no more tears left to cry, happy or sad. 

And so it was both a sad day and a happy day, a day that would forever be remembered not only for a new life, but an old one as well, and all the memories they would hold.


	14. GoodBye

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

It turned out that Jess had more trouble moving on then Rory had expected him to. He tried to be strong, and he did a good job at acting strong in front of the town, and in front of Luke, and everyone else, but he was weak. Rory had never seen him act like this before and honestly he was starting to scare her. He was depressed and Rory didn't know how to bring him out of it. He had a daughter to raise, now was not the time to be falling apart. But she couldn't blame him. She really had no idea what he was feeling inside. He had to hurt so much, and she was his best friend, there had to be something, just something that she could do to make it better. It was her job to make it better, and she was failing miserably, but Rory never failed at anything, not even with Jess. When things got tough, somehow they managed to keep it going, because she was here now, and he still meant just as much as he always did.

The funeral had been beautiful. The entire town came, along with Skylar's entire family and many of Skylar's old friends. They had all flown in from California to pay their respects. Jess had recognized them from a trip Skylar and he went on. They drove out west to her old home town; it was one of the best times he ever had with Skylar. He never imagined he could have that much fun with anyone but Rory, but Skylar was a lot more special that he made her out to be.

 Everyone at the funeral had brought flowers, one by one they would lay it across her casket and say their final good-bye, when Jess's turn came everyone had left, it was his turn, his last turn to ever speak to her, and say everything he ever wanted to.

He walked slowly up to the casket tears in his eyes and he placed his hand on it, he choked back the tears and wasn't sure where to start.

"Skylar, Sky," he paused letting some of the tears flow, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you. I mean… you're really gone, and no matter how much I don't want to believe it, it's not going to change." He paused again and looked around him, he was alone, no one was in sight, he stared up at the grey sky before continuing, "I don't know why you left me… just when our life together was starting, it was about to be perfect, but now its far from perfect, and can never be perfect because your not here. You're supposed to be here… with me… now… raising our daughter, she's beautiful you know, she looks just like you, and sometimes it hurts to look at her, because it just makes me miss you more and I'm not sure I can even miss you more then I already do." This was getting harder, because the more he kept talking the more it was becoming a reality. "I want to say that I'm sorry, sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you, or make you cry, all of those times you thought Rory was a threat to you… she was never a threat; because I never wanted anyone more then I wanted you. I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you, and I never looked back… I knew that you were it for me, that as long as I could have you I would never need anything else. But now, I need you more then ever because your not here, because your never going to come back to me, and I love you. I love you so much and I can't stop. I can't turn it off, and I don't want to, but I think somewhere down the line I'll have to let go. But I want you to know I'm never going to forget you, not ever, no matter who comes into my life, I'm going to make sure you would approve of them for Reagan. I want you to know you're still the most important girl in my world… and you always will be, because no one can replace you, no matter how hard they try. I need you, and I love you so much, so much that I wish I could express it in words, but there's too much love inside me to express it all." Just then there was a hand on his shoulder, and then arms wrapped around him, "Good-bye Skylar." He whispered.

He turned around to face Rory and he returned the hug. "You know she loved you just as much as you loved her."

"I know it just hurts to have to let her go." He cried.

"I know" she grabbed his hand and led him to the car.

            When they made it to the car everyone still seemed to be standing around, he swore when he was up with Skylar he was the only one in the entire cemetery, where had all of these people come from?  They made their way over to Jess and tried to comfort him, he didn't know half of them and the truth was, they weren't helping, they were just making things worse. He was holding Reagan in his arms, and they couldn't get over how cute she was. How could people smile at a time like this? Skylar was gone and they were standing around smiling at each other, he didn't understand.

At the wake Jess couldn't stand to be near anyone. All they wanted to do was try and talk to him, but he wasn't listening to a word they said, he just nodded and went along with them. And if they weren't trying to talk to him they wanted to play with Reagan, at first he didn't mind but the more people started to come over and play the more he hated seeing their smiles. Finally when he got the opportunity and when no one was looking he snuck off to his room. He took his beautiful daughter Reagan with him and sat in his room, holding her all day. His room where Skylar and he had spent so many good times, as he looked around everything held a memory, everything in that room had at one time or another meant something. As he sat there he didn't know what to think. The room was causing him more pain, but at the same time it was helping him. He was sad for all the things that they would miss out on but he was happy for the times they had spent together. He didn't move, hours passed and he sat there, looking at his little girl that reminded him so much of Skylar. 

Rory had watched Jess as he made his way into his room. She decided it best not to run after him, instead she left him alone, he needed to deal with this on his own, and if he wanted to be alone she would let him be, anything that would help bring the old Jess back, the Jess that she missed so much. She didn't expect him to be gone for so long, after a couple of hours slowly crawled by she made her way over to his room. She knocked lightly on the door and then entered. She knew Jess wouldn't get up to open the door, she knew he didn't even hear the knock; he hadn't heard anything since Skylar died. She poked her head into the room and saw Jess sitting on the edge of the bed, Reagan asleep in his arms. She slowly walked to where he was sitting and sat down on the bed next to him so their legs were touching. He looked over at her and his eyes filled with tears, she hugged him tightly and he cried on her shoulder. It was as if he had been waiting for her to follow him. He kept everything bottled up inside him until Rory was there. He needed someone to help him, and not just anyone, but Rory, he needed her more then he thought he could ever possibly need anyone. 

            They sat there for a long time, and they didn't say a word to one another, Rory wasn't sure what to say to him to make him feel better, and Jess couldn't get any words out. As they sat there Jess slowly stopped crying. He sat up and looked at Rory, not sure what to say or do, he just looked at her.

            "Are you going to be okay?" she asked very concerned, even though she knew there was no way that he could be okay. Why did people always ask if they were 'going to be okay?' Like if they said 'Yes I'll be fine' we would believe them, and no one ever said 'no', because they could never admit to not being okay, so why bother even asking?

            He looked at her with so much pain in his eyes, "I just couldn't face all of those people, telling me how sorry they were and asking me questions about what I'm going to do now. I can barely get by on my own; I don't need them reminding me of what I'm trying to forget." He looked up at the ceiling and bit his lower lip trying to hold back tears.

            "Is that what you are trying to do? Forget?"

            "Why remember something that you can never have again, because the truth is you will never be able to get it back no matter how hard you try, and it will only hurt you more."

            "Oh Jess," Rory forced him to look at her, "you cant forget her, you'll never be able to forget her no matter how hard you try, plus it wouldn't solve anything, she's living in you now, through you," Rory put her hand on his chest over his heart, "She's in there now, and she'll always be there, she'll always have her own little place in your heart. You have to remember her Jess, you have to keep her alive with your memories but at the same time you have to move on, and raise Reagan."

            "But I need help," he looked down at Reagan who was still asleep in his arms, and then back up at Rory, "Will you help me raise her?" there was a hint of begging in his voice, "I know that is asking a lot of you, but I don't know who else to turn to, you're all I have Rory, and I know that over the years we have grown apart, but remember our promise? No matter whom we date or who comes into our lives, we are friends forever."

            "Yeah I remember, but we let the strangers come into our lives and change everything, we should have known it wouldn't have lasted" Rory said shaking her head. Small tears were forming in her eyes now.

            "Well look where it's brought us Rory, right back to where we started. All that time we spent apart there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you, or miss you. Besides Skylar you were my life, and all those years we weren't together a part of me was missing without you. So will you help me?" his eyes grew big.

            "Jess, you don't have to give me excuses, I'm your best friend, I'm family, of course I'll help you, and I wouldn't make you do this all on your own." She tried to smile at him, but there was so much pain that she couldn't bring herself to do it.

            "They weren't excuses, it was the truth. I've missed you more then I could ever express."

            "I've missed you too" Rory looked up at him and into his eyes; they were still filled with so much pain, and it didn't seem to be going away. She could also see how tired he was. He had huge circles under his eyes which were red from lack of sleep and all the crying. Rory stood up and took Reagan from Jess's arms and carefully put her in her crib trying not to wake her. Rory walked back over the Jess's bed and folded down the covers, "Here Jess, lay down" she patted the pillow, "you need to get some sleep".

            "I can't sleep," he still sat at the edge of the bed; he didn't even look at her. "I haven't been able to for days, all I can do is think of her, and then the second that I do actually start to fall asleep Reagan starts to cry, I just don't think its going to happen."

            "Just lay down and don't worry about a thing, I have it taken care of," she started to back away from the bed making room for Jess to get in.

            When he got into bed, Rory turned around to pick up the baby and make her way to the door, but Jess interrupted her, "Rory?" he asked quietly, she turned back around to face him, "Stay here.. With me?... Lay down next to me please?" he asked one more time before she smiled and made her way to the other side of the bed crawling in next to him. She moved close to him and put her arms around him letting him know that she would always be there for him, and then for the first time in days he fell asleep. 

Rory slowly got up and walked over to Reagan and picked her up out of her crib, she took her downstairs and while the rest of the guests slowly started to leave she began to clean up, while keeping an eye on the baby. 

            As she was scrubbing the dishes her mind began to wander. She thought about her life and her future. She thought about how she used to see her life, and never once did she imagine her helping Jess raise _his _child, not _their_ child. She stopped what she was doing and looked out the window, the sky was grey, and the clouds were moving quickly, then she saw one ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds looking down at her, when it dawned on her. Her life was now changed, she had taken on a new challenge, which would forever change how things used to be.


	15. Mother? I think not

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

Rory was right, her life changed. It was such a huge change that at first she didn't see it coming. She was so busy that she didn't even have time notice. Not only did she have school to deal with, but she had a baby to help raise and then there was Jess. He still hadn't moved on from Skylar even though a significant amount of time had passed. Rory wasn't sure how much time he would actually need, but she decided to give him more, time heals all wounds right?

            For Jess that didn't seem like the case. He was definitely back to his old self, but there was a piece of him missing, and it showed. Rory was the only that could see it. Everyone else saw Jess, Rory saw an empty Jess, who was still sad, and full of pain.

Rory and Jess were now raising a child together. But they still had their lives, Rory School and Jess work; he had to support them somehow. They sat down one night and figured out there schedules. They decided that Rory go ahead and schedule classes according to her liking and then Jess would work the hours that she wasn't at school, any time that overlapped Lorelai offered to baby-sit. It worked out perfectly, when Rory went to school Jess stayed home with Reagan, and when Jess went to work Rory watched the baby. It was routine, and any free time that they had they spent together. They wanted it to feel like a real family for Reagan, not a broken home. 

Rory and Jess were now closer then ever. When they were young they didn't believe that two people could get any closer then they were, but Reagan proved them wrong, she connected them on a level they never thought possible. 

            "Jess where is Tye?" Rory asked as she was searching the family room holding a crying Reagan in her arms.

            "How would I know?" he shrugged as he took the crying baby from her arms. He looked down at her and wiped away one of her tears with his thumb; he never knew he could love someone so much. It hurt him to see her cry.

            "Well you are her father; I figured you might know where her favorite toy in the whole wide world is. The one thing she can't live without, the one thing she can't sleep without, the one thing that will make her stop crying. But I guess that was silly of me right?" she smiled at him.

            "Did you check under the couch?"

            Rory nodded.

            "In her crib?"

            Rory nodded again.

            "Under the crib?"

            "Yes Jess, I also checked the changing table, her swing, the car seat, and her stroller."

            "Well then hell if I know." He sat down trying to comfort Reagan and get her to stop crying. "You know if you would have told me a year ago that I would be spending my Saturday night looking for a stuffed light up glow worm named Tye I would have called you crazy."

            "I was just thinking the same thing, but the crazy thing in my case is I don't have to be." She stood up from behind the kitchen counter and glanced over at Jess who was now rocking Reagan in his arms.

            "And once again I thank you, because if you weren't here I think I might have stuck her in the closet by now."

            Rory smiled, "Yeah that's great parenting skills," she paused, "THE CLOSET!" she open the closet door and shuffled a few things around before she came out holding a brightly colored glow worm, "It must have been wrapped up with the coats I threw in there earlier, good thing the closet it the best place to stick a crying child huh?" she walked over to Jess and took Reagan who as soon as she saw the sight of Tye, sighed and stopped crying, gently closing her eyes and was asleep in 2 minutes. Rory set her down in her crib and went to meet Jess on the couch.

            "Is this ever going to get easier?" Jess slouched down.

            "I'm not sure, I mean I think it will at one point, but then it will get bad again, and then good, and then bad, and then good. In the end I think good out weighs bad." Rory moved closer to him so she was leaning against him.

            "Good to know."

            "Well that is unless she decides to take after you, then its BAD all the way!"

            He turned and glared at her, "I wasn't bad, I was just misunderstood."

            "Uh-huh, sure, if that what you want to call it."

            "It is" he smiled at her.

            Rory lay down on the couch with her head in Jess's lap, and looked up at him, "you know, I'm glad we're here, together, doing what were doing. I know it was under awful circumstances, and this isn't how it was supposed to be, but I'm glad it turned out this way, if I could have it any other way, I would, and you know what I mean, but we're good you know, this is always how I kind of imagined it." She was stumbling on her words; they just weren't cooperating with her and coming out how she wished they had.

            Jess was running his hand through her hair, it was an old habit, and it relaxed her. "Yeah I guess it is, I just wish, well you know what I wish, but I'm glad that after everything that happened, it still turned out for the better."

            "Are you okay Jess?" Rory asked as she sat up and turned to face him on the couch with her legs crossed Indian style.

            "Yeah I'm okay, why do you ask?" he turned his head away from her.

            "Because I know you Jess, and you're not okay." She reached out and put her hand on his arm, "Look at me Jess, I can see through you, and you know that, you can read me and I can read you. To everyone else you're back to your good old self, but to me, I see it. I see the pain, and the hole, there's a part of you missing, and don't try to tell me otherwise, because I know."

            "Well what do you want from me Rory? Skylar's dead, do you just want me to forget her, to forget she ever existed? Because I remember when that was my plan and you told me no. I'm not ever going to get over her, not ever, and I try to move on, I really do, but then I wake up everyday and see Reagan and she looks just like her mother. And then everything comes flooding back to me, her death replays in my mind over and over. I'm never going to be the old Jess again, there is always going to be that hole, but I'm going to live my life Rory. To everyone else I'm back, I'm good, your just going to have to stop looking so deep into me, and realize that I'm going to be okay, but that its going to take me time." He once again looked away from her.

            "Jess I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just want you to know that you don't have to pretend its better, and that I'm here for you. But I know you hurt, and that you're not okay. You can't just put on an act for me, and tell me not to look into you, because I don't even have to search to see it, its just there every time I look into your eyes. You can tell me all you want that you are going to be okay and live your life, but that requires moving on, meeting new people, maybe going on some dates, and look around you Jess. You haven't moved on, look around, there are pictures of Skylar everywhere, when they come down, that's when I'll know your okay."

            "The pictures are for Reagan," Jess tried to defend himself.

            "NO, they are not Jess, Reagan doesn't understand any of this, all she needs is that one picture next to her crib, and when she's older you can show her all of these pictures, they are for you Jess, stop lying to me."

            "You just don't understand," his eyes started water, "I don't want to let go."

            "I don't understand Jess, your right; I've never lost someone that I loved as much you as you loved Skylar. But I hate to see you like this, so weak, you were always the strongest person I knew, and now I don't know who to turn to." She pulled him into a hug.

            "Yeah well you know what Rory? Get used to it." He pulled himself away from her sharply. "Because this is me now, and if you don't except that I don't know what to tell you." The anger was clear in his voice.

            "Jess I didn't mean it like that, I'm just saying you can't sit here and mourn over her forever, eventually you have to live your life."

            "Stop Rory, just stop, please. Don't come here and tell me how to live my life, I can take care of myself."

            "Jess, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. I've been here every step of the way for you, I've been by your side, and I've helped you along this far. As long as I'm a part of your life and helping you, I think I deserve at least just a say. I'm not saying you have to do what I tell you, but think about Reagan Jess, she needs some happiness in her life."

            "She has happiness."

            "_Yeah me_." Rory glared at him.

            "Rory you're not her mother, she doesn't need you as badly as you think she does." He was so cold, and emotionless. When he looked up he saw Rory's heart break. He wanted to take back the words as soon as he said them, the pain in her eyes made him want to cry right then and there. She had given them everything. This was his best friend and that is how he treated her? He went to apologize as soon as he saw the tears rise in her eyes, but she beat him to it.

            "You think I don't know that Jess?" she hated admitting to herself that Reagan wasn't hers, but it was the truth. 

            "I know you don't think that." He took a step closer to her, but she took a step back at the same time, "It's just…"

            Rory cut him off, "Skylar is gone Jess, move on already, get over it, just don't take it out on me or Reagan." This time it was her turn to be cold. "I know that I'm not her mother, and I would never tell her that I was. She needs to know the truth and one day she will, when the time comes. But am I really that bad Jess? I'm really so bad that you wouldn't want me to be her mother or have any say in your life? Do you really think that low of me?" she began to cry.

            "Rory, I didn't mean it like that," he shouted out to her, but it was too late, she had already turned away and was halfway out the door.

            Rory walked home slowly that night. The night was starting off fine. She was joking with Jess, and they were having a good time. When did his feelings change so much for her? So much that he would think she was trying to control his life. She had done so much for him, and he acted like he wasn't even grateful, maybe friendships can't really last forever… eventually everything comes to end… so they say.


	16. Forgive and Forget

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

After Reagan was born it took Rory some time to getting used to having a child. Reagan was just thrown at her, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to it. All the time Skylar had been pregnant Rory didn't have to worry about what to do about the baby, because she wasn't going to be her responsibility. But from the second that Reagan was born Rory had felt like she was hers. She had of course helped Skylar through her pregnancy, and helped paint the nursery, and pick out clothes and toys; but she never once pictured herself Reagan's mother. But then again she never once questioned her love for Reagan. So as far as she was concerned, Reagan was her daughter. 

After Rory agreed to help Jess raise Reagan she practically lived with Jess. It worked out better this way for the both of them, Jess had a bought an small house big enough for the three of them, and Rory pitched in where she could. The living arrangement was made last minute, and since Jess worked the late shift so many nights and Reagan couldn't be left alone it made sense. Rory was like the 24 hour babysitter, a nanny, only she hoped she was something more to the both of them. They were only a few streets away from Lorelai's house so when Rory needed her peace, she still had her mom's home to go to. But now that they were in a fight things were different. She was back at her mom's house, back in the room she grew up in every night. At first it took some getting used to, sleeping by herself in her small bed, but given the circumstances she got used to it.

            For Rory, the hardest part about the whole fight was not seeing Reagan, or Jess every single day. Their home was her home too, and now she felt like she had no home at all. Her life had become a routine, and they were the two most important things in it, and now it had been almost an entire week since she had seen either of them. She wasn't sure how long the fight was going to last, but she wanted it to end soon; she just didn't want to give in so easily.

It was a Saturday night and Rory was sitting in the living room watching TV, her feet were propped up on the table and she had a bowl of popcorn in her lap, as she popped each piece into her mouth her thoughts drifted. It was a Saturday night and she was free, for once she didn't have a baby to look after so she decided that she start acting young and living her life. She was 21 going on 40, and that's not really who she wanted to be. She was now in her second year of college and she hadn't been to one party since she started. If other people had to place her a clique there was no doubt in her mind that from what they knew they would place her in the nerds. Something she never thought she was and something she never thought she would be. 

            At the thought of that, she reached over her bowl of popcorn which was now sitting beside her and picked up the phone. She called the one person she knew who could show her a good time. 

"Zoë here."

"Zoë hey, it's Rory."

"Hey Ror, I thought you would never call, what's going on?"

"I was just wondering if you were doing anything tonight and if you are I was thinking maybe I could tag along." she sounded a bit undecided.

"You don't even have to ask, meet me and my house in an hour."

Rory let out a small laugh, "Okay, in an hour then." She hung up the phone and a smile spread across her face, she wasn't going to be sitting home on a Saturday night for once.

            She arrived at Zoë's house and waited around while she finished getting ready. For such a simple tiny girl there sure was a lot she had to do before she could leave the house. Zoë was short and had short brown hair; she was tiny with green eyes and had a personality that was better then most people. Her personality was actually probably better then their entire philosophy class put together. She stood out, and was her own person, and Rory liked that about her.

            They arrived fashionably late to the frat party and already Rory was having a good time. Zoë was very entertaining, always had a good story to tell, and if not a story, an impersonation, and if not an impersonation then singing along with the radio was enough to make Rory laugh. 

            They walked through the door and it was like the party froze for Zoë, "Have no fear, Zoë is now…" she bowed, "…here", she stood back up and made her way over the bar, Rory followed close behind her.

            As the night went on so did Rory's mood, she had been sitting at a table by herself for the last half house and wasn't feeling very social. Zoë was off somewhere doing only god knows what, while Rory watched from a distance. She could hear Zoë from across the bar calling her name and when she looked up to see where her voice was coming from someone else caught her attention.

            "Hi" he smiled at her.

            "Hey" She too smiled, "And so we meet again."

            "That we do" Cade sat down across from her, "You here with your boyfriend? Dean was it?" 

            Her smiled disappeared, "Umm, no we broke up a long time ago, actually see that girl over there?" she pointed towards Zoë.

            "The loud one?"

            "Yeah," she laughed, "I'm here with her."

            "Oh. Okay. So where is Jess?" he looked around.

            "I don't know." She started to play with her nail.

            "Well he's here isn't he? You guys are attached at the hip."

            "Umm, no actually he's not here."

            "Is everything okay with you two? I mean yeah it's been what almost 2 years since I saw you? But come on you guys have been friends forever!"

            "Yeah we're still friends, were just in the middle of a rough patch."

            "Is he still with that one girl or are you guys finally together?"

            "He and I are still friends, and he had a daughter with that one girl, Skylar was her name."

            "Wow. Well then I guess that sealed the lid for you two."

            "Actually no, it's still open, there were complications and Skylar didn't make it." Rory looked down at her hands; she was a bit uncomfortable talking about Skylar.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." Cade could tell Rory was uncomfortable and he too also looked away.

"No its okay, that's kind of why were fighting, he can't seem let her go, and it's like when she died his life ended. I was helping him raise his daughter Reagan but we exchanged words and he said some harsh things and I'm pretty sure he meant them."

            "Rory, listen to me for a minute will you? I've seen you two together, I grew up with the both of you, and so I think I can say I know you both pretty well. You guys have been friends for what almost 12 almost 13 years and your going to let it all go to waste because of some words that he said  and that I'm sure he didn't mean? What you two have is special, it's an unspoken bond that no one else can see, and no matter who comes in and out of either of your lives your still going to be the most important people to each other. Just because he can't get over his girlfriend doesn't mean he's forgotten you. You two are in love, you have been since you were 8 and I just wish you could see that. You're both wasting your time denying it, when we ran into each other those couple years ago he was with Skylar, and he loved her, but the way he looked at you was clear. It was want, and there was 10 times as much love in his eyes when you were in them." Cade put his hands on her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes and raised his eyebrows nodding his head up and down.

            Rory sighed, "Cade, your wasting your breath, you've been telling us this forever and it hasn't got us anywhere, we are just friends, and that's all we'll ever be, even if there are other feelings there, we don't want to risk losing what we have."

            He took a step back from her, "I think you're wrong. You won't be losing anything; you'll just be gaining even more." He stood up from his chair and hugged her, "Just open your eyes." He whispered in her ear and then left.

            Rory watched him as he walked away; she shook her head and took a sip of her drink.

By the time Rory and Zoë left the place they both had a few numbers, Rory had already thrown hers away. She had no time for a relationship, and how was she supposed to explain Jess and Reagan to anyone else… 'Oh I forgot to mention that when you date me you also date my best friend and his daughter, she's not mine I'm just helping him raise her, but no he's not my boyfriend or an ex and no he's not family, I'm just a committed friend.' … she laughed at herself, no one would ever understand.

When Rory arrived home later that night, well early that morning, she went straight to the answering machine. She pushed play and sat down in the chair staring at the machine. 

            "_You have 5 new messages, first message sent at _6:47 PM_…. Hey Rory it's me, Jess, I know it's been a week and I haven't exactly been around…_BEEP_" Rory pushed delete, even though she loved to hear his voice she couldn't help but still be mad at him. If he was going to apologize at least do it in person, apologizing to her machine, what was this, a 5th grade breakup?_

            "_Next message sent at _7:18 PM_… Hey Ror, it's me again, just wondering if you got my first messa… _BEEP_" she deleted it, along with the next three, she didn't even care to listen to them, if they were from him, good, they were gone now, and if it was someone else they would call back if it was important. _

She sat there a moment longer just staring at the machine, she hated the answering machine, it was an easy way out for people, they could call and just leave a message not having to deal with the person or if you were on the other end, and you could screen your phone calls. What happened to the surprise of not knowing who it was? The answering machine was so emotionless, since when did actual face to face conversations become so out?

            She was in a daze staring at the 0 that was flashing across the machine that only seconds ago was flashing 5. When there was a knock on the door, she snapped out of her thoughts and looked up, straight at the door. She already knew who it was. The glass on the door only blurred the figure but she knew him anywhere. At first she debated whether or not to answer it. But either way she was going to have to see him, she was trapped, and she knew it. If she didn't answer the door he knew where the spare key was, hell he had his own key, and he knew she was home, from her car in the driveway. If she answered it, well, he'd be there. She stood up and stared at the door for only a minute longer before making her way over to open it. 

            She slowly rested her hand on the doorknob and began to turn it, then even slower opened the door. There he was standing right in front of her holding a sleeping baby, his eyes begging her not to slam the door in his face.

            They stood there both staring at each other, neither moving, neither saying a word. And then Rory moved to the side gesturing for Jess to come in. 'It was cold out and she didn't want Reagan to freeze' was the excuse that she gave herself. 

            Jess entered the house and walked into the family room, and gently set Reagan in her play pin so not to wake her. He looked at her for a minute sleeping so innocently, clueless to everything around her and then he made his way into the kitchen where he found Rory sitting at the table staring at her hands. He pulled out a chair and sat across from her, afraid to look her in the eye.

            "I...ah… I called a couple of times." He looked over at the answering machine and nodded slowly as he saw 0 flashing in red. Rory didn't move or say a thing, "I tried your cell too, but it was turned off." He looked up at her, but still she showed no sign of emotion or anything. Silence was filling the air, "Yeah, so, I umm… I wasn't sure if you were blocking my calls so I came over a few times, but your car wasn't here, so I figured you were just out." He pointed to the door, and then slowly lowered his hand back down to the table.

            "Jess its 3 a.m., did you come over for a reason or just so that you could inform me of your stalker abilities?" She said sternly. She was tired, and ready for bed, and he wasn't really getting to any point.

            "I came here because I haven't seen you in a week." He blurted out louder then he had expected.

            "True, very true, but that's because you made it pretty clear that you didn't need me, I'm nothing more then just Rory." She said coldly.

            "Rory," he paused as she turned to look at him, "I didn't mean it like that, look Reagan needs you, she needs you more then she needs me. This past week has been hell, it's like she can sense that you're gone, and she cries and cries. I'm sorry for everything that was said, everything I said, everything I did….I'm sorry." He sat there waiting for a response, but still her facial expressions didn't change.

            "Give me time to think about it, what you said was harsh, and you meant it, or you wouldn't have said it."

            "I didn't mean it, I was just caught up in the moment and mad."

            "Jess, don't say anything else, just go please, it's late and I'm tired and I just want to go to bed, I told you I'd think about it, and I will, I'll talk to you soon okay?" she gave him a small almost unnoticeable smile.

            Jess stood up not taking his eyes off Rory and slowly walked over to Reagan and carefully picked her up, careful not to wake her and quietly left. Rory walked over to the window, and watched as Jess made his way back home. He had been on a late night walk when he saw Rory's car in the driveway and decided to stop to apologize. When he had trouble getting Reagan to sleep he would take her for walks and it would calm her, Reagan liked the cool crisp air and being safely held in her fathers arms. Rory watched as he walked slowly away from her, he was making his way to the bridge, but tonight she wouldn't follow. Tonight was about her, it wasn't her job to cheer Jess up at the moment, she needed to think like she told him, and that's just what she was going to do, in her room, on her own bed.

Late one night around three days later Jess slipped into the house around 1:30. He still hadn't heard from Rory, the more days that past the more he thought that maybe she wasn't going to forgive him. He noticed the babysitter asleep on the couch, and as he walked passed her, he gently put a blanket over her to keep her warm through the night. He would wake her in the morning and give her a ride home if she needed one. 

The house was dark and all the lights were off except for the one in the hall, they never turned it off at night, it was like a night light. The light would creep through the crack in Reagan's door, and even though she was just a small baby, it was soothing. He poked his head in Reagan's room and she was sleeping peacefully in her crib. He walked over to her and just stared at her. She looked just like Skylar when she slept. He smiled and kissed her tiny head before making his way back out into the hall.

He walked down the hall and went into the room next to Reagan's. It was Rory's room, her old school books lined the walls, along with her other wide range of classics, and what not. He sat on the edge of her bed, and looked around him, you would think she had died or something by the way he was acting, but he missed her, he missed her a lot. He smiled at the picture that hung on the wall. It was a picture of him and her, and Reagan, it was winter and they were at the bridge, snow blanketed everything, and the lake was frozen. It was a beautiful picture, and if you took them out of it, it still would have been just as beautiful. He stood up and went to examine the picture closer before letting out a small laugh and making his way back out the door.

            He walked across the hall just a few feet more and entered his room. He had expected to see Rory asleep in his bed, he had become used to her being there, even though she had her own bed, she swore that Jess's mattress was much more comfortable then her own, and often fell asleep in his bed before he got home from work, just like when they were younger, she had her side, and he had his, but she wasn't there, and she hadn't been for almost a week and a half. He quickly slipped out of his work clothes and brushed his teeth. Then he quietly slipped into his side of the bed, leaving her side untouched, just in case…

             He wasn't as tired as he thought he was so he laid there and stared at the ceiling. There was something about the ceiling that calmed him, it relaxed him, it took him into his own little world where he could just stare and think. His thoughts went to Rory, She was so beautiful, even when she slept, the way her mouth was slightly open and her nose would wrinkle, it meant she was having a good dream, Jess remembered that from when they were young, he used to tease her all the time, saying she was trying to pull some sort of bewitched move on him when he wasn't paying attention, he turned to look at her side of the bed, but it was empty, just as it had been only minutes ago. He let out a small sigh and then turned his attention back to the ceiling.

            "I'm sorry." he whispered knowing that she couldn't hear him, "Night Rory." He turned on his side and closed his eyes, pictures of Rory and Reagan flashing through his mind. He opened his eyes suddenly, as he felt the tears make their way to the surface, since when had the pictures of Skylar been replaced with Rory? He couldn't be forgetting her so soon, he didn't want to forget her, he held back the tears and then he felt someone's hand come across his chest.

"Jess, you still awake?" Rory asked as she lay down on her side of the bed.

"Yeah," he replied, holding back the tears.

Rory could hear the pain in his voice, "you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine…" he paused and turned to look at her, he wanted to make sure that she was really there and it wasn't just something  he was making up in his mind by wanting her there so badly. When he saw her he smiled, "Hi."

"Hey." She smiled back at him; there was a long pause… "I'm sorry too."

Jess wrapped his arms around Rory. She forgave him, that's all he wanted, things were back to normal, so quickly, and he was happy.

Jess just laid there staring the ceiling again his vision becoming blurry, while one single tear slid down his cheek. He wasn't sure if it was because he was happy or sad. 

But the real question was… when had the pictures of Rory been replaced with Skylar?


	17. First Kiss

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

--

After the make-up the three of them became extremely close, they were like a perfect little family. A handsome husband, a beautiful wife, and the most adorable baby anyone had ever seen. When they would go out the weekends, people would comment on how cute they were. That Reagan had got her fathers dark hair, and her mothers blue eyes. Of course it was true, she did get her mothers blue eyes, but they weren't Rory's eyes, like every one had assumed. They didn't bother telling people that. They would just thank them and move on their way. 

As the days continued to pass Rory was happy, but she couldn't help and think about the words Cade had whispered in her ear. It got her thinking, that why after all these years had nothing ever happened between Jess and her? When she stepped out of their box, it was obvious that they were in love, that they were perfect for each other. They were meant for each other, and everyone knew that but them. Growing up, nothing could stand in their way, and even now, when they had hard times, they still always found a way to back to each other, back into each others arms.  Maybe Cade was right, maybe there was something there and she had just been blind all of those years, _"Just open your eyes"_ Cade's voice rang through her head. But this time she decided it was time to listen, she was slowly but surely beginning to open her eyes, she wasn't wide awake yet, but it was a beginning, at least she could see that there was something there, even if was still just a blur.

Rory began to think back when Jess and her were younger. Back to the days when they were innocent childhood friends and had no worries or problems, when life was simple when they were clueless to the world around them, and the only thing they argued about was books. She began to wish that things could go back to that. She wanted it to be more like that now. She wanted to go back to when Jess was all hers, like he was before, before Dean and Skylar ever came into the picture. There used to be a time when the world revolved just around the two of them. When he was hers and she was his, back down at the bridge swimming on a hot summer day. They hadn't been to the bridge in a long time, there used to never be a day that went by when they didn't go down there at least once, and now they hadn't even been there in a little over a year.

_It was a hot summer day. Rory turned over in her bed opening only one eye. When she noticed that Jess wasn't lying next to her she immediately knew where he was. The bridge… swimming. She quickly jumped out of bed and put her suit on, and then her cover-up clothes; she slipped on her sandals and made her way out into the kitchen._

_"Morning sunshine, off already?"__ Lorelai asked her._

_"Yep, going down to the bridge to meet Jess" she picked up a pop tart off the counter, "But first a cup of a coffee."__ She took her favorite mug and filled it the rim almost so it overflowed. She finished it almost faster then she filled it up, "Okay I'm off, if you need me you know where to find me." She hugged her mom and then made her way out the back door. _

_Once she was out the door she ran as fast as she could down to the bridge. She could already see Jess floating on his back, she smiled at the sight of him, so peaceful, enjoying the quiet time. Rory slowly made her way onto the bridge, "Hey!" she said loud and sharp._

_ Jess's body jerked and he went under the water, he came back up, "Jerk!" he looked up at Rory who was laughing uncontrollably._

_She set her stuff down and sat down on the bridge, now that she was there she wasn't sure she wanted to swim anymore, she dangled her foot over the edge, and watched as Jess went back to floating on his back. They sat there in silence for a little while longer. Listening to the leaves rustle around them and sound of the water._

_Rory laid out her towel and took off her cover-up clothes. She decided she would rather work on her tan then swim. She closed her eyes and then she heard Jess coming closer to her. He jumped out of the water and sat down on the bridge his feet dangling over the side._

_"You're blocking my sun." Rory opened her eyes and looked up at him._

_"I know." He smiled and didn't move._

_Rory sat up and moved over so that she was sitting next to him there legs touching, "Hey Jess?" she looked down at the water that she was splashing with her toe._

_"Rory."__ He looked over at her._

_"Do you ever wonder what its like to kiss someone?" she didn't blush at the thought, she was comfortable with him and she could talk to him about anything._

_"What makes you ask that?" He raised an eyebrow._

_"Nothing really… well I don't know… I guess it was that movie we saw yesterday, the way they kissed in the end, it just made me a little curious."_

_"I have." His answer was short._

_"You have what? You've thought about it?" she looked over at him this time._

_"No, I mean I've kissed someone, once."_

_"Why didn't I know this?"_

_"Well it wasn't like what your thinking. It was nothing like in the movies. It was when I was six, back in New York, I was in love with this girl, her name was Natasha Mays, her mom made her invite me  to her birthday party. When I got there I chased her around I think the whole day, and when I finally caught her, I kissed her. I mean it was a short peck on the lips, but it was enough to set her off. She burst into tears and cried for the rest of her party. As soon as she started to cry I ran away. I haven't kissed anyone since, she traumatized me, probably more then I did her, I thought there was something wrong with me…" he was cut off, Rory's lips were on his. At first he didn't know what to do, he was in shock, but then he raised his hand onto her cheek and returned the kiss. It was soft and gentle, and just like in the movies. _

_They slowly parted, and looked at each other, "There's nothing wrong with you, see I'm not crying." She smiled and went back to splashing water with her toes._

_"Well I guess I can add another to my list." He laughed._

_"You ever wonder what its like to be in love? And have one of those passionate kisses that make you feel like jell-o?" Rory asked as she slowly traces her lips with her fingers._

_"Oh no, I'm not kissing you like that! You have to find someone else."_

_"I'm not going to kiss you again Jess," she smiled and looked over at him._

_"Oh. Okay. Good." There was a small pause, "What's up with you today Ror?" he inquired._

_"I'm not sure. I guess that movie just really got to me, it got me thinking. I mean we're 14 years old and I just had my first kiss from my best friend, not even a boyfriend. I guess I just feel like I'm wasting my time and I'm extremely behind, totally inexperienced."_

_"That's not true; you're right where you supposed to be." He stood up and jumped back into the water, he swam over to where Rory was sitting and rested his head on the bridge so he could look up at her._

_"I'm just afraid that since I don't have a boyfriend now, I'm never going to have one."_

_"Rory you sound ridiculous, we're only 14 years old, you have a lot of time, and no relationship when your 14 is ever going to last so isn't it kind of like a waste anyways?" He pushed himself off the bridge and floated backwards, "And besides I won't let you ever be alone, I just won't let it happen. I'll make you a deal, if by the time your 16 you don't have a boyfriend I'll date you." He swam back over to the bridge and pushed himself off again, not really realizing the importance of the promise he just made._

_Rory sat there and watched him as he entertained himself. He kept pushing himself off the bridge floating outwards and the swimming in again just to do it all over, "Okay" She replied. She liked the sound of that, the two of them together, more then just best friends, it flowed, and it fit. Rory and Jess, boyfriend and girlfriend._

Rory snapped back to reality. That was the past, and this is now. And then it hit her. The thought of her and Jess being boyfriend and girlfriend, gave her butterflies way back then and the thought that maybe someday they could be together still made her giddy. She had always just pushed the feeling back whenever she felt it, telling herself it was nothing, when really it was eating her alive, and now that she knew it, it was going to be more difficult then ever. 'Why did Dean have to come along?' she thought, if he hadn't come Rory would have been single at 16 and Jess would have dated her, meaning he wouldn't have ever fallen for Skylar and things wouldn't be how they are now. But Rory thought some more about it, she felt guilty. Jess's times with Skylar were some of the best in his life, and she would never want to take those from him. She couldn't regret any of the past happening. She loves Reagan with all her heart and would never wish her gone, things were the way they were because that's how it was meant to be, because that's how they were intended.

But that kiss. She longed to feel it again. That was her first kiss and to this day it was her best kiss. It wasn't just the fact that it was her first kiss that made it so special; it was the fact that it was Jess. It had been 7 years since that kiss happened and she could still feel it on her lips. She wanted to kiss him again; she wanted to know if he still kissed like that, and if it would still have the same affect on her. But things would never be how she wanted them, Jess was still hung on Skylar, and he always would be, he had the biggest reminder of her, who he saw everyday, he could never forget her when they shared a daughter.

Rory's eyes were now halfway open, she realized she cared for Jess more then just a friend, and now in order to get her eyes fully open she just had to make him realize he cared for her more then just a friend as well.


	18. No one can compare

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, school started two weeks ago, so I've been tired, not really busy, just tired… lol… I like to sleep, so that takes up most of my time, anyways, here it is, enjoy…

--

Days and weeks came and went, months flew by, and even years passed, and Rory and Jess were still only friends. Reagan was now four years old and she couldn't wait for school to start, even though she still had 2 years to go. Rory read to her every night and it was only a matter of time before she would be able to read herself, with Jess and Rory as her guardians there were books lying all around the house and in time she would pick one up. 

Jess had eventually moved on. It took years but the pictures finally came down off the walls only months ago. It was a relief for Rory and Jess; it was like they were cleaning up the past and starting on a new slate.

It was a Saturday night and Rory was in the kitchen making Reagan macaroni and cheese, Reagan's favorite and the only thing that Rory knew how to make. Rory looked up and saw Reagan sitting on the couch watching her favorite cartoon, her feet didn't even reach the end of the couch but she was wiggling them along with the music giggling. Rory looked back down to stir the noodles and then she felt a tug on her shirt. She looked to her side and saw Reagan standing there.

"Hey you, you hungry?" she smiled.

Reagan nodded her head, "What are you making?"

"Macaroni and Cheese your favorite!"

"Yummy" she licked her lips, "Where's my dad?"

"He's upstairs getting ready."

"For what?"

"For his date."

"Okay, I'm going to go souperwise." She meant 'supervise' but she was still smarter then most four year olds. She turned and walked towards her dad's room calling him, "DAD!! DAD!! DAD!! DAD!! DAD!! DAD!!..." she had a dad for every step up the stairs.

Rory laughed… the innocence of being so young.

"REAGAN!! REAGAN!! REAGAN!!" Jess called from his room teasing her.

"Yes?" she asked when she finally reached him.

"You were calling me?" he smiled.

"Nu-uh, you were calling me" she giggled, and climbed up on his bed watching him as he combed his hair.

"So are you excited about tonight? Just you and Rory?" he turned to look at her.

"Yep, we're gonna watch cartoons, and play games, and listen to music and dance, and eat macaroni and cheese, and ice cream, and have a pillow fight, and play with make-up, and dress up, and have a tea party with all my stuffed animals and read!" she wanted to keep going, but she ran out of things to say.

"Are you sure you can fit all that into one night?" he laughed at her, it was so cute how when she said 'read' her voice went up signaling she was most excited about that one.

"Yep, I'm sure." She nodded.

He turned around to face Reagan and walked towards her, "So how do I look?"

Reagan sat there turning her head, leaning it to the left, and then to the right like she was really examining him, and thinking about how he looked, "You look silly."

"Silly huh?" he crept towards her; "I think _you_ look silly!" he picked her up and started swinging her around.

She was laughing uncontrollably, and then he tossed her on the bed, "Do it again, again!"

He smiled and picked her up and swung her around again before tossing her on the bed.

"Again!" she smiled and she stood up and started jumping on the bed.

Rory knocked on the door frame of the open door.

Jess turned to look at her, and then he looked back at Reagan who was still jumping on the bed repeating, "Again! Again!..."

"Not right now, but I'm sure if you add it to your list you can squeeze it in there somewhere tonight." He poked her in the belly, "Now go wash up for dinner." He caught her mid jump, right before her feet hit the bed he picked her up and set her on the floor and watched as she ran out the door into the bathroom.

Rory patted Reagan on the head as she ran by her and then she made her way over to Jess who was standing in front of the mirror. She stood behind him and put her hands on his shoulders then smoothed out his sleeves. She looked at him in the mirror and straightened his collar, "So what's her name tonight, Summer? Misty?" she laughed.

"Ha…ha…" he smiled, "I'm over that, it's Trixie," he laughed at himself, "Just kidding her name is Madison." 

"That's a good name; maybe this one will work out." Rory smiled at him in the mirror.

Jess turned around to face her, "Maybe." He smiled and then kissed her on the cheek before walking around her and over to the closet to find his shoes. "So how do I look?" he asked as he came back out of his closet this time with his shoes on.

Rory sat there and tilted her head from side to side just as Reagan had done before, "I don't know… I think you look silly." She smiled at him and let out a giggle.

"Silly huh?" he walked towards her, "You want me to do what I did to her."

Rory started to laugh and backed up from him slowly, only she was backing up towards the bed. Then Jess pounced her and tickled her onto the bed as he had done Reagan, Rory was laughing and screaming to be set free, and she tried to tickle Jess back, but she couldn't even get her arms near him.

Just then Reagan reappeared in the door holding up her hands, "All clean!" she smiled.

Rory and Jess both stopped what they were doing and looked at each other and then at the door. Rory smiled and crawled out from under Jess, "Let's eat!" Rory walked over to Reagan at the door and picked her up carrying her downstairs. 

Jess sighed and laid down on his bed stomach first, he buried his head into the comforter, "Get it together Mariano" he mumbled to himself before getting up and following them down the stairs.

Rory set Reagan in her seat and gave her a bowl of Mac and cheese, "Spoon or fork?" 

"Ummm… Spoon!" she took it from Rory and began to eat.

Jess came walking down the stairs and made his way into the kitchen, he grabbed a large spoon and started eating the Mac and cheese right from the pot.

"Aren't you taking her to dinner?" Rory grabbed the spoon from his hand and helped herself.

"But I'm hungry now!" he went to grab the spoon back from her hand, but she pulled it away. Just then the doorbell rang and they all looked at the door. 

"She's meeting you here?" Rory's head jerked up to look at Jess.

"Yeah she lives in the opposite direction from where were going so I thought it would be easier this way." Jess walked over to answer the door but Reagan beat him there.

With her cheesy face and cheesy hands she called out, "Who is it?"

"It's Madison, I'm here for Jess." The muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

"She's here for you Daddy." Reagan smiled and then opened the door. "Ello! I'm Reagan." She smiled.

"Hello Reagan I'm Madison." She smiled to the messy little girl standing in front of her.

"Come on in." Jess picked up Reagan, "You're all cheesy." He wiped her face off with a napkin.

Rory had been watching from a distance, Madison looked decent; she was dressed in a knee length black dress. She had light brown hair and brown eyes, her smile was cute, she was better then most of the other girls Jess usually went on dates with. Rory then made her way over to Jess and took Reagan from him, "I'll clean up the monster." 

"Thanks" he winked at her. "Okay Reagan you be good, don't have too much fun without me now! And Rory, don't do anything you don't want to do." He pointed at her playfully.

"Shut up" she slapped his finger down, "Go on get out of here."

"Okay I'm going, I'm going, See you later Ray, love you!" he kissed her, "Later Ror." 

"Night" she waved, as they closed the door. She set Reagan down on the floor, "So what do you want to do first?"

Jess and Madison made there way to his car. Neither said a word. 

Jess opened Madison's door for her, and she smiled and got in, Jess then raced over to his side and joined her in the car. Once they were in and on there way to the restaurant Madison smiled and finally spoke up "So Reagan sure is cute."

"Isn't she?" Jess smiled to himself, just the thought of Reagan made him smirk.

Madison too smiled and nodded, she turned to look out the window, as she thought how much she already liked him, she loved that he was a father and so into his daughter. "So Rory is she Reagan's mother?"

"Um… No" he shook his head and replied quietly.

"Oh I just assumed since they had the same eyes."

"Yeah a lot of people assume that, but… no, Rory isn't Reagan's mother. Rory and I grew up together, we've been best friends our entire lives," Jess took a deep breath, "she means just as much to me as Reagan does… She lives with us actually, I was young and wasn't ready for single parenthood." Jess never once looked over at her, but kept his eyes straight in front oh him.

"Where is Reagan's mother?"

"Dead." Jess still didn't take his eyes off the road.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I had no idea." Madison turned away from him.

"It's okay." Jess looked over at her and smiled a small weak smile.

Jess arrived home late that night, Rory was still up watching late night infomercials and Reagan was asleep on the floor.

"Hey" Rory whispered as she looked up at him, and then returned her eyes to the T.V.

"Hi," he looked down at Reagan, "You guys have fun tonight?" 

"Oh yeah tons, I wore her out though, but not before we managed to do half the stuff on the list." She smiled "I didn't want to move her, it took her forever to finally fall asleep."

Rory followed Jess up into his room, "So how was the date?" she asked as she lay down on his bed.

"Well I can tell you there won't be another." He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed taking off his shoes.

"That bad huh?"

"It wasn't bad, not bad at all, it was a lot of fun actually… she was perfect you know."

"Then what was it?"

"She wasn't_ her, she wasn't Skylar." He put his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands, looking down at his feet. "I just think I really liked her too." Jess stood up off the bed, and made his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "I don't think I'll ever find anyone, because even when they turn out good, and the date goes perfect, I can't stop comparing them to Skylar. None of them can even compare to her, and until I can realize that there is no other her out there, my relationships are doomed from the start."_

"So stop. Obviously you know what you're doing so what's the problem?"

"I can't stop comparing them to her, that's the problem!"

"Well Jess until you face the fact that there is not another Skylar out there, your going to be alone. Besides, you don't need another Skylar, you need someone new."

"Yeah I know" he rubbed his head and then splashed some water on his face.

Rory stood by and watched him, When was he going to realize that no one out there was good enough for him. When was he going to realize that he didn't need anyone else? That he had her. "I'm going to go put Reagan to bed, and then head to bed myself…" she paused and looked at him a moment longer "…night." Rory looked him quickly in the eyes and then made her way out of the room as Jess continued to undress and get ready for bed himself.


	19. The Zoo Experience

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: Okay, I know most of you are probably annoyed with the fact that Jess and Rory are still ONLY friends, but the way I'm writing this is that it is awkward for the both of them, I mean when you've been friends with someone for your whole life, and helped them raise a child, its almost like they are family, and so even admitting that you could like someone that is like your brother is weird… it's not easy to just come out with your feelings and jump ahead to the next step. Also Jess was so dependent on Skylar, _so dependent that he's holding on to every last shred he can find, he refuses to let her go, which would allow him to admit to himself that Rory is there for him, and the one that he wants. In this case it's going to have to take something for him to realize that. All these years Rory hasn't wanted to come out and say 'Yo Jess look at me', because she wants him to come to terms with it on his own, and figure it out for himself, she feels that if she tells him, its  like 'oh… okay, I guess', and not true love. I think right now the friendship boat is all that they can handle and I mean that for the last chapter, but I can promise you one of them is going to crack in this chapter… and open the door for the lit to begin, but it's still going to be a windy road, just to warn you… also I needed the time gap, the four years, in order to go where I'm going, so it all works out… THANK YOU to all who are still sticking by here, and reading this, I love you all… really…so go ahead and read to find out… _

--

It was a nice Saturday morning. The air was warm with a cool breeze. Jess and Rory had planned this day for a week now. It was the first day in almost 2 months that they were going out to spend the day as a family.

Reagan woke up particularly early this Saturday morning and wasted no time before waking Jess and Rory up with her. She snuck into Jess's room where both he and Rory were sleeping and slowly climbed up onto the bed. Then she stood up and started jumping yelling at the top of her lungs, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Rory and Jess both turned to look at the little girl with a huge smile on her face, "No… It's sleepy time." Rory mumbled before rolling over and putting a pillow over her head, but not before adding, "Jess shut her up."

Jess groaned and looked up at his daughter who was standing right above him staring at him and laughing, "What are you doing?" he asked her with his eyes still closed.

"I'm a rooster, watch, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" she screamed even louder this time.

"Impressive." Jess smiled as he picked her up and carried her downstairs. "Now what do you want to eat? A Pop tart? Cereal? Toast?"

"I want ice cream!"

"Ice cream for breakfast? I don't think so kiddo, try again." He poked her in the stomach making her squirm in his arms

"Cake!"

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Cookies!" she giggled.

"Try something that isn't a dessert." He set her down on the ground as he opened up the cupboards, and starting searching for anything to feed her.

"Lucky Charms!" she shouted when she saw the box.

"Now that I can do!" he smiled at her.

She waddled out of the kitchen and made her way into the family room. She turned on the TV and went straight to the cartoons, and then she took a seat on the floor as she waited for her dad to bring her her cereal.

"Here you go." He handed her a bowl and a spoon, "Eat up." He sat on the couch behind his daughter and watched as she made a mess all over the carpet and herself, "What are we watching?"

"Powerpuff Girls Dad," she turned to look at him as she said this and rolled her eyes, well it was more of just look up because she didn't really know how to roll her eyes, Rory tried to teach her, but she just didn't catch on to the whole 'rolling' part.

He laughed, so much attitude for such a small thing. He only imagined what he was like at that age.

They sat there for awhile longer after Reagan finished her cereal. She had crawled up onto the couch and sat in her dads lap. She spread herself out and gripped her stuffed glow worm Tye. Jess smiled, he loved that she loved him so much.

After Powerpuff Girls was over Jess stretched and Reagan mimicked him. "I have an idea, how about you go wake up Rory while I go get dressed" he looked down at her.

She bent her head up as far as it could go so she could look at Jess and then jumped off him racing up the stairs.

Jess followed behind her quickly, he caught up to her and swooped her up off the ground and then set her down right on top of Rory with a 'thump'!

"Wake-y wake-y time." Jess smiled when Rory opened her eyes.

She moaned a slight moan and then turned to see Reagan in bed next to her staring. "Morning" she mumbled.

Reagan giggled, and just continued to stare.

"So are you excited about today?" she sat up in bed rubbing her eyes.

Reagan nodded her head vigorously, "We're gonna see the giraffes, and the monkeys, and the hippos, and the penguins…"

"… and the llamas, and the bears, and the tigers…" Rory cut in…

"… and lions and zebras…" Reagan smiled…

"… and the snakes, and elephants." Rory finished. They both sat there giggling.

An hour and a half later all three were dressed and ready to head out on their day at the zoo. They filled the car with everything they thought they could possibly need and were on their way.

            "To the Zoo…" Rory smiled from the passenger seat.

            "Here we come!" Regan finished from her car seat in the back.

            They arrived at the Hartford Zoo in just under an hour. Reagan had named all of the animals she knew over twenty times, and Jess and Rory sat and listened to it all, each time telling her a new animal, by the time she was on her last roll, she had forgotten every animal, and was back down to the originals.

            Jess stepped out of the car and retrieved Reagan from the back seat. 

            Rory stood up and stretched, "That felt like the longest car ride of my life." she mumbled under breath.

            Jess looked over at her, "Ditto" he smiled and winked. He grabbed Reagan's hand and led her to the Zoo gates. "So what do you want to see first?" he looked down at her.

            "Ummmm… the FLAMINGOS!" she paused what she was doing, and stopped dead in her tracks. She jerked her hand out of her fathers and lifted one leg up, she folded her arms under her, and smiled, "Look daddy, I'm a Flamingo!" she laughed before she lost her balanced and dropped her foot back to the floor.

            "Wow and a great one at that! Now all you need is the pink outfit and the orange legs and your set." He reached out his hand, and she took it. "Did you see that Rory? Reagan's a flamingo."

            "I saw," she smiled, "I think I may go practice it so I can be as great as her."

            Reagan looked up at Rory, "You're going to need a lot of practice, it's not as easy as it looks."

            "Well then maybe you could teach me sometime and your dad too." She nudged Jess in the arm.

            He looked over at her and glared, "Ah… I don't think I want to be a Flamingo." He shook his head.

            "Come on dad, I can teach you." Reagan's eyes lit up.

            "Yeah come on Daddy-O, we can be a whole family of Flamingos" Rory laughed, she could see in his eyes just how much he hated the thought of even pretending to be one.

            "Ahh-hahaha" Jess rolled his eyes and continued on his way.

            The Zoo wasn't too crowded and most of the animals had been awake, so Reagan had the chance to see many exciting thing. The Giraffes eating off the leaves, the Hyena's laughing their evil laugh, even the monkeys were playing around. They finally came up the Panda Bears and a look of sadness came over Reagan's face. The mother bear had been cleaning the baby bear, before snuggling up to it.

Reagan looked up at Rory and Jess, "Daddy?"

"Huh?" Jess responded who was reading the sign in front of the display.

"How come I don't have a mommy?"

Jess's eyes darted from Reagan to Rory and then back to Reagan, "you do have a mommy, everyone has a mommy, it's just that your mommy can't be with you."

"Then why isn't Rory my mommy?" she had a look of pain in her eyes, the look of want, something that should never be seen in a child's eyes unless it was over candy or a toy.

Jess was afraid of how to answer this because he wanted to tell Reagan the truth but at the same time be careful of Rory's feelings. He had screwed up in this department before and didn't want to do it again, "Because sweetie Rory and I aren't married, and we'd have to be married in order for her to be your mommy." Jess glanced over at Rory to make sure she was okay seeing as how this had been a sensitive subject in the past, but she seemed to be okay.

"Then why don't you get married?" Reagan asked innocently.

"It's not that simple sweetie, but I promise you one day, you'll have a mommy." He knelt down so he was eye level with her.

"You promise, promise? Pinky promise?" she asked holding out her pinky to him.

"Pinky promise" he took her pinky in his own.

They all stood there a moment longer, watching the mother and baby bear sleep, Reagan seemed to be happy again, Jess was a little concerned about Rory, and Rory was breaking on the inside.

They went about the rest of the day as normal, neither one of them bringing up the 'mother' conversation.

Later that night when they arrived home, Jess put Reagan to bed and then came to meet Rory on the couch.

"You okay?" he asked sitting too close to her, "you seemed kind of out of it since this afternoon."

Rory scooted over so there was about a foot of space between Jess and her; she looked over at him with tears in her eyes.

"What is it Ror? What's wrong?" he went to move closer to her again, but she put her hand up to stop him. He looked at her confused and sighed and rested back into the couch, "Did I do something?"

"No, its not you."

"Then what is it?"

"I can't do this anymore Jess." She began to cry

"Do what?"

"When did I become so weak? Huh Jess? When? I used to be so strong. I used to be the one you came to when you had a problem, because I could deal with anything, I was the one that could solve my own problems, because I was _strong_ and I didn't let anything affect me, and now look at me, I'm sitting here on the couch crying my eyes out." She looked away from Jess and at the wall. "I've always been able to push my emotions back and hide them from the rest of the world, you taught me that, and when I wanted to it was easy but it's been too long and now they are just eating me alive. They are slowly killing me, and I don't know what to do anymore besides let them out."

"What emotions Rory? I thought you told me everything."

"I did, I do, and I just couldn't tell you this, because you'd think I was such an awful person. You see Jess, I can hide my feelings, and when you started to date Skylar, I bet you had no idea the jealousy that was running through my veins. How badly I wanted to be her. I waited for the day that you two would split, and the longer I waited the longer you guys stayed together, and the closer you got. So I forgot about my feelings, I hid them somewhere where I couldn't even find them. And then she died. And you're going to hate me for this, and I hate myself for this, because it shows you just how awful I am, but when she died, a part of me was happy. Like really happy, where I couldn't even wipe the smile off my face because I thought with her gone it could open up a door for us. That maybe you'd finally see what was standing right in front of you. But then you asked me to help you raise Reagan, because I was like family… and so I figured the door had been shut and I'd just have to wait a little longer… but that longer turned into forever when you said that I could never be her mother, that broke my heart Jess and I tried to keep my distance, but I realized that I could never live without you or her, so I came back, because no matter what feelings I had, or how weak I was becoming, you were the only one that could keep me sane. Things got good between us and I started to let my emotions show, but then _they started showing up, all the dates, and now I just sit here, and I watch as you go from one girl to another, I sit and wonder when am I going to be next, why aren't I one of those girls. And the time never comes; I'm still left sitting here, waving you off on another date with another woman." She had tried to hold back the tears but they were falling uncontrollably now, and Jess didn't say a word, he sat there waiting for her to get every last word out. "But today at the Zoo, when Reagan asked why she didn't have a mother, and why I couldn't be her mother, it made me realize something. It made me realize that I am more of a mother to her then Skylar ever was, then anyone ever can be, but you can't see that, because you're still so hung up on her, and that's when it dawned on it me, and I lost it. I realized that even though the girls keep coming and going, one day one is going to come, and stay. You're going to fall in love with her, and you're going to marry her, and I'm going to be just Rory, and she's going to be Reagan's mother. It's not fair Jess, I've worked so hard for everything, and in the end I'm just going to lose it all. I'm going to lose the only two people in this whole world that make me want to be someone, that make me happy, I'm going to lose it all to a stranger. And I don't want to sit around and wait for it to happen, I don't want to be here to see it happen." She looked over at him, her face wet with salty tears. "I just want to know one thing Jess…"_

"Huh?" he asked not moving any part of his body; afraid that if he did this would all become too real.

"Why can't you love me?" she paused to catch her breath, "I mean really love me, Me Jess! Rory… your best friend… why?"

Jess was silent, he wasn't sure what to say, he loved her, he always loved her, and more then just a friend, but he didn't want to tell her like this.

"That's what I thought."

"What are you saying Rory?" there were now tears in his eyes as well.

"I'm saying that I graduate in two weeks Jess, and we'll see where it goes from there." She leaned over and put her hand on his cheek before gently kissing him on the lips. It was almost an exact replay of the kiss they had when they were 13, all of the emotion and all of the feeling were still there if not more. Rory pulled away now sobbing harder then ever, "I'm going to go home Jess." She stood up off the couch and walked out the door to her mother's house.

Jess sat there, he couldn't move. He still couldn't believe everything that she had just told him, he was replaying it all in his mind over and over, he was in shock, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. So he didn't. He sat there and stared blankly at the spot on the couch where she had just been sitting. 


	20. Finding each other

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

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That night Rory walked home slowly. She constantly kept looking behind her to see if Jess was there, but he never was. Every time she turned around she was more disappointed then the last time, because what did it mean if he didn't come after her. It meant that he didn't feel the same she did. She kept her down as she passed by the bridge and stopped to remember the good times Jess and she had had there…

_"Hey" Jess approached her from behind where she was sitting on the bridge._

_"Hey back at you" she titled her head up to look at him and smiled, "haven't seen you in awhile."_

_"Yeah well you've been busy with Dean and school, and Skylar and I have been hanging out a lot." He stood behind her with his hands in his pockets._

_"So you two are doing well?"_

_He nodded his head, before changing the subject "What are you doing out here all by your little lonesome, on a scary night like tonight in Stars Hallow" he joked._

_"Just reading, I thought I heard some noise over there" she pointed towards the bushes to her left, "But lucky for me my knight in shining armor just showed up, so now I don't have to worry anymore."_

_Jess took a seat next to her on the bridge, "This for school or fun?" he looked at the cover of the worn book that was gently resting in her hands._

_"Fun."___

_Jess nodded his head and looked out to the water, "Want to go swimming?" _

_Rory leaned her head to look at him and then started laughing, "You're joking right?"_

_Jess shrugged._

_"Jess its like 48 degrees outside, that water is freezing, you'd have to be crazy to go swimming in there."_

_"Oh come on Ror, it will be just like when we younger, remember those fun times? Or have you forgotten?" Jess gave Rory the eye and then took his shoes off. He slowly lowered himself down into the water, tensing up when he felt the cold against his skin; automatically he sucked in his stomach, as if it would help him stay warm._

_"No I didn't forget… how could I? I just don't want to freeze to death that's all." Rory set her book down before raising her voice towards Jess, "Jess you are crazy… you know that? Seriously what is wrong with you?... You're going to get sick you know that… and I'm not going to come over and nurse you… no chicken soup… or hot chocolate… nothing… Jess really, get out of there please, before you freeze to death." She stood up on the bridge._

_"Come in here and get me" he smiled at her._

_Rory did not smile back instead she glared at him, "Jess, get out of there now."_

_"Come in and get me, and then I'll come out." His facial expression didn't change and he stayed as serious and he was when he arrived at the bridge._

_"Fine you can stay in there for all I care, I'm not getting sick" Rory threw her arms up in defeat and sat back down on the cold wood of the bridge._

_"Fine, but just know that  you'll have to live with the guilt  for the rest of your life knowing that you stood by and watched your best friend freeze to death, all because you were too stubborn to go in after him… because you didn't want to get sick."_

_"I hate you…" Rory glared at Jess before taking her shoes off as well and slowly lowering herself into the cold water. She knew that there was no way Jess and his thick head would ever get out of that water unless she went in with him._

_"I love you…" he smiled_

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before; now I'm in, so get out!"_

_"Nope come here first, Just dipping your toes into the water does not qualify as going in."_

_"You are pure evil, you know that?"_

_"So I've been told."_

_Rory walked over to Jess slowly, and before he could say anything else she jumped on top of him causing him to go under the water completely._

_He came back of grasping for air, "God Rory you could have killed me, do you know how cold that water is? My whole body just froze and I couldn't move."_

_"Yeah well that's what you get for making me come in after you." She smiled._

_"Oh now your dead." He smiled._

_"You would never kill me, you love me too much." She climbed back out onto the bridge._

_"Love?__ Who said anything about love?"_

_"Umm I think you did… wait yes…" Rory paused and made a face like she was really thinking, trying to remember the exact moment... "YES!!  You did… your exact words were, 'I love you'" she smiled._

_"I never said that." he denied as he walked over to the bridge still in the water._

_"Um I think you did. No I don't think… I KNOW!  Its okay Jess, I know, big macho Jess loves me, and really its okay… really, and I've learned to deal with it, now you can too."_

_Jess's lips were turning blue, and he was starting to shiver, he wrapped his arms around himself and began to rub them._

_"Aw is my soft little Jessie-poo getting cold?" Rory asked in a sad face. "Come here; let Rory make it all better."_

_Jess rolled his eyes before crawling out of the water and up onto the bridge and stood up facing Rory; she smiled and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his arms trying to make him a little bit warmer. He set his head down on her shoulder and they hugged for awhile, "I miss you" Jess whispered in her ear._

_"Yeah I know, I miss you too" she tightened her arms around him, "Come on I'm freezing, let's go back to my place, I'm pretty sure you still have a change a clothes there. We can pop in a movie and you can stay the night like old times" _

_He smiled and nodded his head in agreement, then bent down and picked up her book, he then draped his arm around her shoulder and they headed in the direction of her house…_

Every time things seemed to be rough between the two of them they always made up, it didn't matter the amount of time that had passed, or what had gotten in this middle of them, they always found their way back to each other. But this time was different, this time her feelings were involved, and it wasn't going to be so easy.

After that day Jess and Rory started to avoid each other. She had just told him everything she had tried so hard to hide from him, and then they kissed. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to act around him now. She hadn't talked to him and she didn't know how he felt about any of it.

Jess wanted to talk to Rory, but everything seemed so surreal. It all happened so quickly that he wasn't even sure he had believed it himself. He wasn't sure if Rory was trying to tell him that she loved him, or if she hated him for ruining her life, so he avoided her. The hardest part was Reagan though. She kept asking where Rory was, and Jess told her she was busy with school but that they'd see her soon.

A week and a half passed, and they didn't say a word to one another. They didn't see each other, or call each other, or make surprise visits over at one another's house's to talk it out or apologize, they both just avoided each other. They had seen each other a few times around town, but both avoided eye contact and ran in the opposite direction as soon as they had an opening. It was weird, that two people once so close, could now be so far apart, afraid to talk to one another out of fear of what the other may say or do.

It was a bright afternoon, and Jess had it off from work. He was playing catch out in the front yard with Reagan when the mail came. He left it in the mail box, he didn't feel like dealing with Kirk at the moment, and he never was one to get excited about bills. He shrugged it off; and would get it later, when he had nothing better to do.

Thirty minutes passed and the heat was getting to them, "Dad can we be done? I'm tired, and hot." Reagan groaned.

"Can we be _done? I thought you'd never ask… I'm only out here because you wanted to be." He smiled at his daughter, "I'll race you inside, but first I want to get the mail."_

"I want to get it!" Reagan shouted as she ran for the mail box. She reached up to it and stood on her tip toes, still not tall enough to see inside it or reach far enough to get every envelope. Jess walked over to help her, and there was only one thing she had left inside.

Jess took the crème colored envelope in his hands and quickly glanced at it, before returning his full attention to it, it was from Rory.

"What is it Daddy? What is it?" Reagan reached up to grab it from his hands.

"Its nothing Ray, come on lets go inside, you want some ice cream?"

"Yeah!" she raced for the door and Jess slowly followed behind her.

They made it into the house and Jess gave Reagan a huge bowl ice cream to keep her calm for the time being. She got out one of her many coloring books and every crayon she could find. A coloring book and ice cream was enough to entertain her for hours.

Jess took a seat at the kitchen table holding the envelope in his hands. It wasn't a letter, and he knew exactly what it was. It was her graduation announcement. But just seeing his name written neatly on the outside in her handwriting was enough for him. He missed her even more now, he hated that things were like this.

He slowly tore open the paper and took the announcement out. It had her name on it and the date and time and place where the ceremony would be held. He smiled that she had made it so far. That she had managed to take care of him, raise Reagan and go to school all at the same time. He had never been more proud of anyone in his entire life, and he wished that he had something to show that he accomplished so much as well.

He folded down the last part of the announcement and saw there was also an invitation, then a small piece of paper fell out, it floated to the floor quickly and Jess bent over to pick it up. It was a note from her; he held it in his hands, everything a blur…. Then it came into focus…

_Jess… _

_I know we aren't really on speaking terms right now. Well, more like we are avoiding each other… and I don't know how long this is going to last, another day or a year, but either way my graduation is coming up, as you can tell from the announcement and the invitation, and I was thinking that no matter what our situation is, none of this would mean anything to me if Reagan and you weren't there. It would be my biggest regret knowing that you helped me get this far and weren't there to share it with me, so please, come. You are my life, and you there would mean the world to me, so think about it, and hopefully I'll see and talk to you soon._

_                                    Love, Rory_

Jess stared at the letter in his hands, he knew that it wasn't an apology, and that she was still upset with everything that had gone on, but he also knew that he had to go. That if he didn't, not only would it be her biggest regret, but his as well. He wouldn't miss her graduation for the world, and he knew that she knew that.


	21. Graduation

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will….

AN: Thank you to all who have reviewed and I think that this story will be coming to an end soon. Maybe 2 or 3 more chapters, and if inspiration strikes, maybe a few more… but as of now I can feel it coming to an end. So thank you to everyone who is reading this! I LOVE YOU ALL!....

---

Rory's graduation came sooner then Jess and she had expected. She knew that he was going to be there, but a part of her was terrified that he wouldn't be. She was more nervous as to what to say to him then she was about the actual ceremony. 6:00 came and went, the ceremony went by perfectly, and Rory had now officially graduated from Yale University. She was so happy, and her mother and Luke were even more proud then she was. They came up to her while on the field and congratulated her, and soon after came her father and Sherry with her sister Gigi. She was happy that they were all there to spend this time with her, but as she scanned the crowd the only two people that were missing were the two that she wanted to see the most.

She excused herself from her family and went to sit down on a near by bench. This was supposed to be one of her prouder days, but it was turning out to be one of her sadder ones. Where was he? Why wasn't he there? He knew that this meant the world to her, and with him missing in action, none of it felt real. Just then a hand holding a bouquet of flowers popped in front of her face. A smile grew across cheeks, and she gently took the flowers from the stranger's hand. She stood up and turned around to be face to face with Jess, Reagan at his side holding his hand.  She bent down and picked Reagan up in her arms, she held her tightly as she hugged the life out of her, she missed her, and she missed him.

            "Is that who I think it is?" a voice came from behind Rory, Rory turned to see her mother walking towards her with her arms wide open.

            "Lorelai!" Regan shouted. Rory handed Reagan over to Lorelai and then hinted to get lost. So she took her back over to see the rest of the family.

            Jess and Rory stood there, alone, staring awkwardly at each other. Neither knew what to say, so they stood there a little longer.

            "Hey" Jess smiled and broke the ice.

            "Hi" Rory responded sweetly.

            "So… Um Congratulations" he stood there awkwardly before looking away.

            "Thanks" she began to play with her hands; this was a lot more difficult then she thought it would be. She didn't have anything else to say, she wanted to stay clear of everything that had happened and move on.

            "So how are you?" he asked genuinely.

            "I'm good, I've graduated, and yourself?"

            "Eh" he shrugged. Really he wasn't exactly good or great, so what else was he was supposed to say. That he was miserable, and he couldn't sleep for the last two weeks knowing that she was mad at him.

            "And Reagan?" she asked hoping to get a better answer.

            "She's… well… honestly how do you expect her to be? The one person in this whole world that she loved more then anyone or anything else left. No hug, no kiss, no good-bye what-so-ever. She's young and doesn't understand, lets just face it, things aren't the same without you around."

            "I didn't leave her forever, I walked out on you Jess, not her, and I could never just get up and walk away from her."

            "Well then Rory, where have you been the last two weeks?" he shook his head, as he saw the sadness in her eyes.

            "I just… I needed… time… and space" she said slowly.

            The two of them became silent again, neither sure of what to say next, or where to go.

            "Rory, really, how much longer is this going to last?" He asked, waiting for a response, but she just stood there, she had no answer, she couldn't tell him, she didn't want to tell him. "Rory please, just look at what we have become, is this really how you want us to end up? Come home, and I mean my home, our home… please. Nothing feels right with you gone, everything is a mess. It's like we are this puzzle, and we are all just tiny pieces of this puzzle we call our life, but see you… you're the most important piece, because not only are you the center piece, but without you, no one can make out the picture, and as long as you are missing, this puzzle, my life, is incomplete. We need you Rory, more then you could possibly know. I do know that sorry doesn't cut it this time, but really what is there to apologize for? Just come home and we can reconsider everything. I know things were said, and feelings were put out in the open, and I didn't exactly go about it the right way, but hey, I'm not perfect, you dropped a bombshell on me. I know this isn't going to be as easy as last time, but god Rory, we need you…_ I_ need you" he was on the verge of tears.

            Rory stood there, she didn't want to tell him, but now was as good as time as any, she quickly blurted out, as if she didn't hear a word he just said, "I got a job Jess."

            He smiled, "That's great Ror, and you're already on your way, see, congratulations!"

            She didn't smile back, instead she continued. "Its for a record company, I'll be doing some scouting, and some reporting, it's a great job Jess, and I know its not the top of the line, but I have to get my foot in there somewhere to work my way to the top. This was a great opportunity and I couldn't let it pass me by, or someday later I would regret it. And I don't want to have any regrets Jess." Her eyes were glassed over, the tears on the verge of dropping.

            "Rory don't cry, don't give me excuses, this is so great, and I'm so proud that you have come so far. You deserve everything that you have" he wanted to reach out and hug her, but now was the not the time.

            "It's for Capitol Records." She stated.

            "Good label." He smiled.

            "No Jess, you don't understand, its Capitol Records**_ in_** _Los Angeles, I'm moving, I'm leaving Jess, I'm going to California for the job." A single tear now rolled down her cheek._

            Jess stood there, once again not sure what exactly to say. Everything seemed to be falling apart lately, he wasn't even sure he had heard her correctly, "But… bu… why… bu… how" he couldn't even conjure up a full coherent sentence. "Don't they have a New York branch?" he asked, sounding desperate.

            She nodded her head, "Yes, but I chose the L.A. one, I want to get away"

            Jess felt like he couldn't breathe, she was voluntarily leaving him. She had chosen to go 3,000 miles across the country by choice, His breathing became erotic and soon he felt nothing but anger over come him, "I thought I knew you Ror, I thought I understood you, but how can you stand there and look at me, look me right in the eyes and tell me that you would never walk out on her" he pointed over to wear Lorelai was playing with Reagan, "Don't you see what you are doing to not only me but her as well, you're walking out on her Rory, right out of her life."

            "You think that's what I'm doing Jess?" she defended herself, "You think I'm walking out on her? You don't even know the love I have for her, I love her so much, I would die for her Jess, and I'm here for her, I will always be here for her, I don't care if I have to fly, ride the bus, catch a boat, hell I don't care if I even have to run across the country to be with her when she needs me, I'll do it, I just wont be here everyday that's all. I'm not her mother Jess, but hey you know that better then anyone don't you? This is just something that I have to do Jess, I need a life of my own, and I can't go on living yours. There are things I want that you can never give me. Like I want a boyfriend, someone who when they date me they don't have to date you as well, I want someone who I can love and will love me back, someone who I can spend time with and start a family with, I want kids Jess, kids of my very own. You can't offer me those things. Besides, you'll never love me the way that I love you, I'll never be your wife and we'll never be a real family and no matter how much I hate to admit it, Reagan with never be _my daughter. Look at you Jess, you live perfect amazing and wonderful life, and I am so glad that I got to be a part of it for the time that I did, but now I need more, and I will never fit perfectly into your life, I'll always be Rory, standing in the shadows to both of you. I have to do this Jess, for me, this is what I want, it's what I need." She stopped when the tears became too much to handle._

            "What are talking about Rory? I need you, what are we supposed to do without you?" he cried back.

            "You just don't get it do you Jess?"

            "Apparently I don't get a lot of things tonight" he replied sarcastically.

            "This isn't about you Jess, it was never about you or _her_, this is about me. The last four years I have done nothing but be there for you, taking care of you and solving all your problems, I have been at your every beck and call. Everything revolved around _you, my world, my life_, revolved around _you. But now its time that everything revolves around me, For once it's my turn up at bat. I have always put you first, no matter who it was, or what it was you were always number one, over me, over my boyfriends, even over my own mother Jess, you were at the top of my list, its always been about you, but not this time. This time I have my life," she held out her left hand, "and you have your life," she held out her right hand, "and this time they don't involved each other. Go on, go ahead and live your wonderful life, and let me have a chance to start my own."_

            "Is that how you see us Rory? Is that how you see me? All you do is give, give, give, and never get anything in return?"

            "No Jess that's not what I mean, you have given so much, and I thank you for that."

            "Then what is it huh? What about us Rory?"

            "God Jess, haven't you heard what I just said, there is no us, there will never be an us, this isn't even about you, it's about me!" she started to shout at him, "there are certain things that I want and need that as long as I stay here I will never have them," she took a deep breath and then calmly continued, "We are still best friends Jess, we will always be best friends, but best friends don't live together for their entire lives, there comes a point when they have to let go… I'm sorry Jess" and she turned around and began to walk away, leaving Jess standing alone for the second time in two weeks both speechless and with a broken heart.

            "Rory?... Wait!" Jess yelled after her and ran to catch up.

            She stopped walking and had turned around harshly to face him, "What is it now Jess?"

            "Do you remember that night when we we're fifteen? It was the night you had gotten your Chilton acceptance letter, and couldn't decide whether or not to stay or go. Do you remember what you told me?" he grabbed her hand.

            She looked down at her hand in his and then back up at him into his eyes before coldly replying, "No."

            "Yeah well I do. You said that we were never going split up, that when you went to college I'd live you, and you'd commute, and when time moved away from school we would still live together. You said that our two families would share a house, and we would be together forever, you said we'd grow old together… no matter what."

            She looked at him, surprised that he remembered that, and took her so seriously, "Yeah well what did I know? I was young and stupid, but most of all I wasn't in love." she turned around once again to leave.

            "But I was," he stopped her dead in her tracks, he said it just loud enough for her to hear, she turned back around to look at him, "I still am, I love you Rory."

            She didn't say a word; she just stood there staring, in shock.

            "I love you." He repeated again.

            She let out a small laugh, soon she felt water fill her eyes, "Funny how things turn out, how fast times change, you're a little late for that now" she barely whispered, and then she turned and walked off.

            Why was his timing always wrong, first with Skylar, then with Reagan and now this? It was two weeks ago she let him know how she felt and he didn't do anything about it then, he didn't chase after her, he didn't call her, he wouldn't even speak to her, and now that everything was at risk, now that he was going to lose her, he makes it clear to her how he felt. But it was too late, she was taking the job, what he had just done was nothing but a selfish act and she wasn't going to buy into it.

Once back in Stars Hallow she took a walk around town, funny how her feet led her directly to the bridge, she smiled and went to take a seat right in the middle, then she started remembering the good times, one in particular was stuck in her head. She thought back to the day when Chilton was her biggest problem…

_Jess was sitting on the bridge for about an hour now. He had been there so long that the cold wood under him was now warm. He looked around him, looking for any sign of her, but she wasn't anywhere. Today was the day she had got her acceptance letter into Chilton, and since she told him things hadn't been the same. He was happy for her, he really was, but he didn't want her to leave him. High school is a time when most people grow apart, and with the both of them going to different schools it was only a matter of time before it would happen to them. He told her that he was happy for her, and she smiled, but he knew she wasn't happy. He asked her to tell him what was wrong, but she just waved her hand at him and walked off. He hadn't seen her since. So he was waiting at the bridge… she knew he was there, so why was she still nowhere to be seen? _

_            He stood up and brushed off his pants, he took one last look around hoping that maybe she would be standing there, but she wasn't. His head hung low and he slowly made his way off the bridge, and over to her house._

_            He walked right in and took a look around; no one was home, so he made his way into her room and sat down on her bed, waiting for her to come to him._

_Time passed and he took one of her many books off the shelf and began to read, he was halfway through the book when she came rushing through the door. She quickly shut the door behind her, and turned around to see Jess sitting on his side of the bed._

_She was a bit shocked to see him there; "Hi" she gave him a weak smile._

_            He just nodded his head, "I was at the bridge, but you never showed."_

_            She ignored his comment and slowly made her way over to the bed and sat down in front of him, "I'm glad you're here."_

_            "You are? I thought you were avoiding me."_

_            "Why would I be avoiding you?" she jerked her head to look at him._

_            He shrugged his shoulders and waited for her to continue._

_            "I'm not going." She looked down at the papers in her hand._

_            "Yes you are."_

_            "No… I'm not." She shook her head slightly._

_            Jess could read her, and he saw in her eyes that she really didn't want to go, he could see the pain that it causing her to have to choose between him and the school. But he couldn't be the one responsible for that. He didn't want her to pass up this opportunity because she was afraid of losing him, he knew that no matter what happened or what she chose they would remain friends till the end, "Yes you are to going, because I'm not going to let you pass this up. Rory I'm here for you no matter what, no matter what happens are where you go, I'll always be right here in Stars Hallow waiting for you,, even if you don't want me, or don't need me. This school is a once in a lifetime chance for you, You are so smart, and  you want to go to Harvard or Yale, or some other big fancy school,  and if you stay at Stars Hallow High I know you could still make it, but Chilton will look so much better on your applications, it will move you to the front of the line where you deserve to be. You're smart, you deserve what you want, and I'm not going to be the one that holds you back from your dreams."_

_            Rory smiled at Jess's attempt to cheer her up and help her make her decision but she had her mind set, "I'm not going Jess, no matter what you say." She lay down on her half of the bed, with her back towards him._

_            Jess sat there for awhile letting the silence fill the air, he watched Rory out of the corner of his eye and he could see her shaking, she was crying. Jess got up and walked over to her side of the bed, he kneeled down beside her and looked her right in the eyes as tears fell down her cheeks, "Move." He motioned for her to move over and he lay down next to her, with his arms around her, "You're going and that's final."_

_            "I can't Jess." She cried, "I can't leave you, I don't want to leave you."_

_            "Rory, I've said this before and I'll say it again… I'm not going anywhere, we still live in Stars Hallow, and we'll see each other everyday."_

_            "Its not that." she looked up at him._

_            "Then what is it?" he gently moved her hair off her forehead._

_            "Even if we see each other everyday we'll still grow apart."_

_            "No, we won't, look at us Rory; we've made it this far, why would we give up now? And besides I won't let it happen. But let me ask you this… what's going to happen when you go off to college Rory? I'm not going with you; I can't even get into anywhere you want to go."_

_            "You could if you tried." her faced lightened up a bit._

_            "And you and I both know that's not going to happen." He smiled._

_            "Well then you'll move and live in an apartment with me, or I'll commute and stay near you."_

_            He let out a small laugh, "Okay, but what about after college? Eventually we will meet other people, and fall in love and get married, and we'll get different jobs at different places, maybe even in different states, we can't live together forever."_

_            "Yes we can." She replied innocently, and then she turned into him and rested her head on his chest and smiled. "Wherever you go I'll be right behind you. When we get married, we'll share a house, a HUGE house with both our families, and if that doesn't work out then we'll be neighbors, and if we are in different states then we'll have private jets and underground tunnels that lead to one another's houses. We'll find a way to be together, because we are going to grow old together, we are going to live together forever."_

_            "Keep dreaming Gilmore." He patted the top of her head._

_            "I will" she grabbed his hand and held onto it, "But I'm still not going." She said stubbornly._

_            "Yes… you are." _

_            "No… I'm not"_

_            "Are" he looked down at her._

_            "Not" she looked up at him_

_            "You are," he assured her, "either you are, or I'm getting up and walking out right now." _

_            She moved off of him, and looked at him in shock; "You wouldn't" she glared._

_            "I would," he swung one leg off the bed._

_            "Okay… okay… I'll go." She sighed._

_            "You promise?" he looked down at her._

_She nodded and rolled her eyes, "I guess"_

_He smiled at her, "Well that was easy…Okay then, I guess I'm staying." and he brought his leg back up onto the bed._

_            She rested her head back down on his chest, "Were you really going to leave?"_

_            "I guess we'll never know." He winked at her._

_            "You are such a Jerk!" she playful hit him on the stomach._

_            He smiled at her a cocky smile gloating that he won the argument and then he kissed her on the top of the head._

_            They laughed as the both just lay there, falling asleep, both happy that they were the arms of the other. Jess started thinking about what had just happened. He knew that she really didn't want to go and she knew that he really didn't want her to leave, but neither said a word, they kept their mouth shut for the others sake. All that mattered now was that  they still had each other, they still had  moments like these, moments when all they needed was each other and they knew that they could be happy for the rest of their lives as long as things remained this way._

Rory snapped back to reality and a single tear slid down her cheek. She missed those moments. She missed Jess and now that she was leaving she was going to miss him more then ever. She was thinking that maybe this wasn't such a good idea, maybe there could be a them, maybe there was an 'us'. But she had made her choice, she took the job and she was leaving… tomorrow…


	22. Remember the Good Times

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will… 

AN: Finally… sorry it took so long… I'll try and update faster next time… enjoy…

She walked home alone that night. Thoughts of Jess burned into her mind. Thoughts of when they were young and playful, to thoughts of tonight, at her graduation. All she ever wanted was for him to love her, and now that he did, she wasn't sure it's what she wanted anymore. Of course she loved him, of course she would be with him in a heartbeat, but now it felt that all the reasons were wrong. It was under the wrong circumstances, and she didn't want to be in a relationship that felt forced.

            As she passed by Jess's house she noticed the lights were still on. She stopped in front of it, debating whether or not to go to the door and knock, but as she stood there, debating in her mind, her feet carried her to that familiar place. A place that she had stood millions of times before, but they never felt this awkward. She was standing on a welcome mat; one that Reagan had bought Jess for Father's Day. It had a baseball and a mitt on it, and in blue writing it said 'Welcome to the home of the World's BEST Dad'. Rory remembered when Reagan gave it to him, she had to contain her laughter, not only was Jess not a baseball fan, never once had he enjoyed the game, but he wasn't the welcome mat kind of guy either. 

            As Rory remembered all this her hand had reached up and lightly knocked on the door. She could see movement through the blurred glass, and then she saw him, making his way from the kitchen to the door, all she wanted to do was turn around and run home, but before she knew it the door was open, and Jess was standing there, staring at her, waiting for anything.

            Rory stared back at him; she knew this was a mistake, why did she come here? She should have gone straight home and packed, but no, she just couldn't pass Jess's house without stopping by. She wanted to yell at him, to hit him, to tell him she hated him, just to make it easier on herself, because now that he was standing there, she wasn't sure she could walk away again. And then, as if she some force shoved her, as if she wasn't really in her own body; she stepped forward and threw her arms around him.

            Jess tensed up when he felt her touch, he didn't respond at first. Her arms were tightly wrapped around his body, and his fell limp at his side. He could feel her body shaking, she was crying.

            He felt her move, her head turned and she whispered into his ear, "I love you."

            Jess now moved his arms, he slowly wrapped them around her as well, holding her as tight as he could, he didn't want this moment to end… he wanted her to stay in his arms forever. 

            "I tried hating you, I tried so hard, but I couldn't." she continued to whisper.

            "It's okay Rory" he held her tighter. He was hoping that this was final; he was hoping that this was the perfect ending, but he knew it wasn't. It could never be this perfect, it couldn't be because that's what he wanted, and he never got what he wanted.

            "I'm sorry Jess, for everything… for whatever hurt I ever caused you, and for what I'm about to do." She pulled away from Jess, and gave him one last look before breaking away.

            "Rory… don't… please." He shook his head as he felt her slowly slipping away from him.

            "I'm sorry Jess." She was backing up towards the steps.

            "Did you do this just to spite me? To make it hurt more then it already does?" he lashed out.      

            "I did this so you would know the truth." And with that she turned away and headed home.

She entered the house and saw her mother on the couch; she gave her a weak smile and then went straight to her room without saying a word. Her room where she grew up, where memories of the good times were forever buried in the walls and pictures surrounded her, forcing her to remember it all. 

            She took a seat on her bed, and not until she lay down did she realize she was saving Jess's half of the bed. She laughed when she realized what she did. It was like she was ten again and she was waiting for him to crawl through her window and they'd read together. She turned on her side and placed her hand on the cold empty half next to her. She felt so alone, so empty, after tonight he had to hate her, he just had too… she closed her eyes and remembered when…

_She was sitting on her side of the bed… waiting. She knew that he was grounded, but she also knew that he would be there any minute, tapping at her window, smirking his famous smirk. She glanced at the window, but no one was there, so she turned to the wall, it was her 'Rory and Jess' wall, she had a built a collage with pictures of the two of them, out of everything in her room, it was her favorite. Out of everything she ever made, it was the one thing she knew she could never part with. She then pulled her attention away from the wall, and reached over and grabbed her book that was saving Jess's side of the bed. She held it in her hands and stared at the cover for awhile, she dared to open the book, but she couldn't, not without Jess, it was _their_ book. Then there was a tap, her head automatically turned towards the window, but when she saw that no one was there, she realized it had come from the door._

_            "Ror? You getting ready for bed?" Her mom called through the door._

_"Yeah" she responded almost silently._

_"I don't want you staying up too late, we have a big day tomorrow and I don't want to have to spend it with Rory the grump." _

_            She could imagine her mom on the other side of the door, a huge smile on her face, excited about tomorrow, just the two of them, but all she could think about was where in the hell was Jess? "Okay mom, I promise I'll get to bed soon" She called back through the door._

_            "That's all I ask" her mother responded._

_            Rory heard her mom walk away and then there was that tap again, but this time on the window, it was the one that she had been waiting for. _

_            "It's open" she whispered as loud as she could._

_            Jess crawled through the window, blowing into his hands trying to keep warm, "It's freezing out there." He pulled his jacket tight around him and hugged himself, "Does your mom know I'm here?" he sat down on the bed and pulled his shoes off his feet with all his might._

_            "Yeah right" Rory laughed, "She thinks I'm getting ready for bed. If she knew you were here, well… I can only imagine."_

_            Jess threw his shoes across the room and then stood up and walked over to the wall, his hands in his jacket pockets. "Right…" he mumbled. He slowly looked at each and every picture of the two of them, smiling at certain ones, remembering when the picture had been taken. He turned around and removed one hand from his pocket, he pointed at the wall behind him with his thumb, "You finished" he smiled at Rory who was picking up his shoes and placing them nicely under the window._

_ "Yeah" she smiled, she walked over to him and they looked at it together, "you like?" She turned her head to look at Jess._

_"I like" he agreed, and smiled at her._

_"So…you bring the food?" she asked._

_            "Nah… I tried, but I didn't want to risk Luke catching me, I'm grounded remember. It was either show up with no food, or don't show up at all… But that's what's so great about your room," he pointed at the door, "You open the door and Wallah! Food!" he smiled._

_            "Well then, I guess I have to go in." She walked towards the door as he threw himself on the bed with a thump._

_            "I'll be right here if you need __me.__" He crossed his legs and placed his arms behind his head, leaning into the pillow behind him._

_            She walked out the door slowly closing it behind her. She looked around the kitchen and didn't see her mom anywhere, she started to stock up, she grabbed pop tarts, and Twinkies and the Girl Scout cookies they had bought last week, she grabbed the pretzels and the chips, and all the candy that was left in the cookie jar. Just as she was headed back into her room she heard it._

_            "Rory?"_

_            "Hi mom." She froze._

_            "What are you doing with all that food?"_

_            "I'm packing… for tomorrow… it's going to be a long day and I don't want to starve. So stock up now and that gives me ten extra minutes of sleep."_

_            "That's my girl… always thinking ahead" Lorelai played along. She knew that a certain boy was hiding out in her room, but she found it cute, her story that is. "Now scoot. Get to bed." She smiled and patted Rory on the back._

_            "I'm on it." Rory waited for her mom to leave the kitchen before she entered her room to see Jess sitting on the bed, eyes wide open._

_            She let out a deep sigh, "That was close."_

_            "I'd say so." He patted his hand down on her side of the bed. "Now… you ready to get down you funky party weasel?"_

_            "Funky party weasel?" Rory questioned._

_            "Just take it for what it is and go with the flow" he smiled as he grabbed a cookie out of the box and shoved it in his mouth._

_            Rory grabbed a Twinkie and Jess laughed at her as she inhaled it._

_            "Ever heard of the word CHEW?" he wiped some crème off her face._

_            "No time." She shook her head, "Now where did I put that book?"_

_            "This one?" Jess pulled a book out from behind him.           _

_            "Yes" Rory held out her hand to take it from him but he pulled away… "Jess…" she whined._

_            "Yes?"_

_            "Give me the book."_

_            He shook his head._

_            "Please?"_

_            "Nope."_

_            "Why not?"_

_            He held a tight grip on the book. "Cause I said so." A knock on the door interrupted him._

_            "Shhhh" Rory gave Jess a death stare, and frantically they started to clean up all the food off the bed, they laughed as quietly as possible as they scurried around, throwing food onto the floor and stuffing the half eaten stuff in their mouths. Then the door began to open, they both froze, neither was sure what to do, Jess started moving faster, and Rory did the first thing she could think of. She reached out her arm and with all her might she pushed Jess off the bed as fast as she could. It caught him so off guard that he grabbed the blanket to try and save himself, and he took all the rest of the food down with him. _

_            Rory tried to contain her laughter. Jess had really gone down with a thud, and it looked like it hurt. She loved to laugh at his pain; he deserved it most of the time._

_            The door opened right as Rory got under the covers and opened the book to make it look like she had been reading, "Ror, lights out okay?"_

_            "Yeah okay mom." She closed the book and set it on the pillow next to her._

_            Lorelai waited for her to crawl under the covers and then kissed her forehead before turning off the light, exiting the room and closing the door behind her. _

_            Rory waited all but three seconds before she burst into a fit of laughter and leaned over to face Jess on the floor. _

_            He was lying there, with the most serious look on his face; he opened his eyes and looked up at her, "Not funny." He stood up and made his way onto the bed. _

_            Rory grabbed her flashlight from her bedside table and turned it on. She couldn't stop laughing, she kept seeing Jess's face as he fell off the bed, and she wished she had a video camera to have caught that moment on tape forever. Together they got under the sheet, and with the food they began to read together. Their heads shared one pillow, one of them held the flashlight while the other read, then they'd switch. _

_            Rory was mid sentence when Jess interrupted her. "Ror… where are the drinks?" He asked while digging through the goods._

_            "Drinks?" she looked away from Jess._

_            "Don't tell me you forgot the drinks?"_

_            "I didn't forget the drinks." She lied._

_            "Then where are they?"_

_            Rory pointed to the door, "Out there." She smiled._

_            Jess sighed and put his head in his hands, "What am I going to do with you?" he pushed her._

_            "You get to go out there this time."_

_"But what if she's out there?" _

_"She wont be, she put me to bed, that means she was going to bed herself."_

_He crawled out from under their tent they had made and quietly made his way to the door. "You better be right…" He slowly opened it, hoping that her mother had gone to bed. He poked his head out the door and when he saw no sign of her he stepped out into the kitchen, leaving the door open just a crack._

_            "Jess..." Lorelai  smiled._

_            "Lorelai…" he froze in place._

_            "Does Luke know your here?"_

_            "No…but when has he ever cared before?" _

_            "Well before you were never grounded."_

_Jess tried to play it off, "Well he grounded me for unfair reasons."_

_She smiled, "I'm sure he did. What are you guys doing in there? Having a party without me?" She looked through the crack in the door and saw Rory's shadow under the sheet, sitting in the bed, bopping her feet and nodding her head as she hummed a song to herself and popped another cookie in her mouth._

_            "You want to join?" his face lit up._

_            She smiled at how excited he looked and shook her head, "Nah, you two have fun." She messed up his hair._

_            "Are you gonna tell Luke?" he leaned forward on a chair._

_            She winked at him, "Your secret is safe with me" she opened the fridge and tossed him two __Capri__ suns, "We bought those just for you."_

_            "Thanks" he smiled and walked over to give her a hug, "Night mom" he mumbled real fast before he ran back into Rory's room._

_            "What took you so long?" Rory asked poking her head from the covers._

_            "She knows."_

_            "Are we in trouble?"_

_            "Nah" Jess shook his head, "We're cool." He smiled and then crawled back under the sheet with Rory._

Rory opened her eyes and looked over at the wall. The collage was still there, some pictures were faded and some looked new, some of them the corners were bent and others were glued down flat. She glanced at it and felt a smile pull at her face. There was a knock on the door and it then slowly opened.

            "Hey there, can I come in?" her mom walked slowly into her room.

            Rory didn't speak she just nodded her head and smiled.

            "Are you going to be okay?" Lorelai sat down next to her on the bed.

            Rory shook her head, "I don't know" she whispered, "I went over there tonight, I made him think that possibly I was staying, he was so mad, he has to hate me."

            "He doesn't hate you, he would never hate you, and he couldn't hate you even if he tried. He knows that you love him; he knows that you never meant to hurt him, and he knows all that you have given up for him. He loves you Rory, he loves you with all his heart, and anything you ever do will never make him feel otherwise."

            Rory looked at her mom, tears in her eyes, "I love him… so much." She shook her head. "I love him, and he loves me so why can't things just be normal? Why can't we be happy… together? Why do I have to make things so difficult? Here I am crying, crying over something that I caused, feeling sorry for myself. If I wanted to I could go over there right now, run into his arms and be with him, but I'm too stubborn, and I have a plane to catch in the morning. Why am I like this?" She looked into her mom's eyes, searching for answers.

            "I don't know" Lorelai wrapped her arms around Rory and let her cry into her, "Maybe he's hurt you one too many times." She hated seeing her daughter like this, especially on their last night together. She couldn't believe that Rory was finally leaving. That she was moving to the opposite side of the country. But she just wanted her to be happy, and right now, getting as far away from Stars Hallow seemed like the best thing to do.

Rory fell asleep on her mom that night; she woke up early the next morning and went to the airport alone. She stood at the terminal, waiting for them to call her so she could board the plane. 

            She stood by the window. Here she was alone at the airport, her choice, yet she couldn't help but feel like no one cared. She was making either the mistake of her life or taking the first step into the best thing to ever happen to her, and she was doing it all alone. Her whole life was in Stars Hallow. Her family, her friends, everyone that meant something to her and yet not one of them was here. No one came to wish her luck, to see her off on the biggest journey of her life, but she had no one to blame but herself. She didn't tell anyone she was leaving this early. Not even Lorelai. 

            They called her ticket number and she boarded the plane. She found her seat next to the window like she had requested, and immediately sat down and closed her eyes. She didn't want to think of this as the end, but only the beginning. By this time tonight she would be in Los Angeles, in a new state, in a new city, in an apartment all her own. She couldn't help but think that it was the right move. That there was something out there, waiting for her, someone, someone waiting to fall in love with her, someone not Jess, someone who wouldn't know Jess, who wouldn't know that name, who wouldn't know his face, someone who wouldn't know what she left behind. She closed her eyes and waited for take-off. That life was waiting for her, and she was coming as fast as she could…

Back in Stars Hallow that same morning Jess awoke with a feeling in his gut. Was he really going to let her go? Was he really going to let her walk out of his life once and for all? He shot out of bed, and checked on Reagan, she was still asleep, and if calculating correctly she wouldn't wake up for another 22 minutes and 30 seconds. 

            He slipped on a pair of jeans, grabbed a dirty shirt up off his floor, and slowly ran out the door. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her, but this wasn't going to be the end. He ran as fast as he could to her house, he jumped off curbs and over bushes; he dodged the early morning people and burst through her front door approximately 2 minutes and 28 seconds after leaving his house. 

            Lorelai was in the kitchen when she heard the front door slam open.

            "RORY!" Jess yelled as he entered.

            "She's not here." Lorelai looked up from her coffee.

            "Not here, as in you mean she ran to the store to get some last minute things before she moves as far away from me as possible not here?" he was out of breath, and breathing heavily.

            "No…" she shook her head, "I mean not here as in she's gone. As in she's probably half way across the country by now."

            Jess couldn't believe it. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a seat next to Lorelai at the table. He leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, trying to hold back the tears. He covered his eyes with his hands, and shook his head.

            Lorelai moved closer to him and put her arm around him. She didn't know what else to do. They sat there in silence for awhile, while Jess cried into his hands. She rubbed his back, "I'm sorry."

            Jess looked up at her, his eyes were red, "I know." He nodded.

            "Listen Jess, this was just as hard on her as it is for you, but I'll let her know you tried. That has to mean something right?"

 "Actually, could you maybe not tell her about this?"

"If that's what you want" she nodded her head.

"Thanks… I better get going; I left Reagan home alone, and if she wakes up and I'm not there, she's going to freak." He stood up and made his way to the door.

"Jess?" Lorelai called after him. He turned his attention away from the door and back to her, "Wait a second will you?" Lorelai walked into Rory's room and back out holding something Jess hadn't seen in years. "She wanted you to have this." Lorelai handed Jess the collage of the two of them.

"Are you sure? This is her 'Rory and Jess' wall." He took it in his hands and looked at each picture carefully, he smiled at the memories and turned it over, and on the back written in her handwriting was a note.

_"Jess, Remember the good times… I love you… Rory"_

He looked back up at Lorelai "Thank you" he smiled.

"Don't be a stranger okay?" she leaned in and hugged him, "It's going to be all right." She pulled away and brushed his hair off his forehead.

"I hope so." He turned and walked out the door.


	23. First Dates

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

**AN:** We are almost to the end and what you've all been waiting for…soon…enjoy…

Months passed since Rory moved to Los Angeles. When she first got there it was hard. There was nothing she could even compare to Stars Hallow, the people were rude, the traffic was horrible, the air was smoggy, and it was hot, well hotter then she expected for the time of year that it was. But she was making the best out of her situation and she was trying her hardest to finally live the life she had only dreamed of. Although there seemed like so much change, which was all leaning on the negative side Los Angeles had its good side too, her job was great, her apartment was beautiful, and she already made new friends. Not many, but at least she had them, they were nothing like the ones back in Stars Hallow, but they would do just fine, they were loud and eccentric and unique, she could honestly say she had never met anyone like them before. Unlike most of the people here they took her under their wing, and showed her how to survive, they took her out, introduced her to new people (since it was all about who you know), and they showed her where the stars hung out, although she had yet to see one… but she was living her life for once and enjoying it, she was spontaneous and figuring out who she was. 

Although she was having what she thought was the time of her life, she couldn't help but let her mind wander sometimes, wander back to where she came from and to him, what was he doing? What was he wearing? How was he doing? How was Reagan? How was their life? Was there a new girl? She easily could have gotten the answers to these questions, but she feared that the answers would hurt. That they would crush her, and ruin her good times, her new life.

Before she left she had promised to call Reagan, but that promise was broken long ago. She couldn't bring herself to do it, maybe if Reagan lived alone, but she was only four, so that was out of the question. Instead she shied away, and wrote her letters. She didn't care if Jess read the letters, but him answering the phone? She would have to hear his voice; she would have to make small talk, and she wasn't sure small talk was an option with the two of them; she would have no idea where to start or what to say. So instead she avoided the phone all together.

Growing up Rory would have never pictured this life. If anyone would have told her that Jess and she would be living thousands and thousands of miles away from each other she would have laughed at them… told them they were mistaken and maybe just maybe stomped on their foot… only if she was eight of course.

She always feared the idea of them not being "one". She could deal with blizzards, and she could deal with spiders, she could deal with snakes, and heights, but she could never deal with the thought of being alone, because that meant she would be without Jess, and being without Jess, was like dying to her, it was the end of the world, well that's what she always imagined it to be, but now that they were separated, she was beginning to think she was okay, and that maybe just maybe she had always blown it out of proportion, because she was doing fine, she was alone, and she was content with it.        

Two months she had been here and tonight was her first date. She had been preparing for it all week, and she was determined to make it perfect. Nothing was going to stand in her way, not tonight, not thoughts of him, or memories of him, not pictures of him, nothing. Tonight was about her, she was letting go, once and for all. It took him years to get over 'her'; it was taking her two months to get over 'him'. 

His name was Gio, his real name was Giovanni, but Gio made him sound like a model, and to be quiet honest he looked like one as well. She never really went after the gorgeous ones, she never felt pretty enough, they could have anyone they wanted, and the thought that one of them would want her… it irked her, she figured it was doomed from the start, but not tonight, tonight she was going to prove to herself that she was worth it, that she was just as good as anyone else out there. That she was beautiful and she knew it. 

She had met him at a show. She didn't see him at first; well she wouldn't have seen him at all if it wasn't her for her foot. She was covering the show for work; it was only her second assignment so she really had to make an impact. They had given her backstage passes for her and one guest, and since she was still new to the city she took her neighbor Jillian, (they had clicked from the moment she moved in). The two of them were sitting backstage on a bright yellow couch waiting for Rory's interview with the band. She was laughing at something that Jillian had said her eyes were closed when he entered the room. Her eyes were even closed when he tripped over her foot and landed on top of her. Her eyes then flew open with shock and she was only more surprised to see someone as beautiful as him on top of her. She hated the beautiful types, but she had never really met one before, and he seemed nice enough. He apologized over and over, but didn't move. She apologized for not paying attention, and they both agreed that it was neither one of their fault. He explained how he was just heading to get something to drink and offered to get her something as well. She accepted and he came back with a bottle of water for her and they talked. He was smart, and funny, and he complimented her. She was never one to take compliments well, but coming from him, she believed him. They called her in for her interview, and thinking on a whim, she gave him her number. She wrote it on the palm of his hand, and he promised not to wash it until he got home. She wasn't expecting him to call, they never did, but the next night her phone woke her up and they made plans for a date. She wasn't as nervous as she thought she would be, but that was because she felt like she knew him. He reminded her of someone she used to know, or well… still does know… someone she was trying to forget. 

            She had been getting ready since four o'clock this afternoon. It was now six and he would be here in thirty minutes, if he was the punctual type. Jillian from across the hall had come over to help, to keep her company, and keep her calm. They had become very close since Rory had moved in. Jillian was still a teenager, Rory guessed she was about 19 or 20, but more mature for her age then Rory would have expected. They connected because they were both trying to figure out who they were. Jillian was a waitress… well an 'actress' is what she called herself, but Rory new that was just a dream, so typical for a girl living in L.A. 

When Rory first moved in, she knew no one. She didn't even know where to start, or where to find a friend. She noticed the apartment across the hall was always alive. There were people coming and going at all hours of the night and in the day. She noticed the girl that lived there, they passed each other in the hall a couple of times, and exchanged smiles, but that was the extent of it. Rory described her as 'spunky', she had short black and purple hair, and looked like she had stepped right out of the 80's, and she wore the leggings and the neon colors. Rory liked it. She felt like she was in another world. A couple of days after Rory moved in, there was a knock on the door. It was Jillian from across the hall, purple hair and all; Rory smiled when she opened the door and noticed a huge plant in her hands. Jillian explained how someone had given her a plant when she first moved in, and it made her feel welcome. It was like she had a reason to come home, because the plant needed to be watered. That maybe no one else gave much thought to the plant, but Jillian knew that if she let it die, it was the first sign that she was a failure. As long as that plant was alive, she knew she was doing right, and good things were waiting for her. Jillian handed the plant over to Rory, she explained it was a housewarming gift, and she made Rory promise not to let it die. Rory promised and invited her in. Jillian ended up helping her unpack, and since… they have done everything together. 

            Rory was in the bathroom finishing her hair and Jillian was on the couch looking through one of the hundreds of magazines spread across Rory's coffee table. 

            "Are you sure about this?" Jillian asked now standing in the doorway of the bathroom watching Rory brush a strand of hair out of her face.

            "Why would I not be?" she turned to look at her.

            "Well, I don't know, it just seems kind of fast. You've only been living here for two months, and you only talked to this guy for what? Fifteen minutes?"

            "Well how much time am I supposed to wait when in a new city? I didn't think it mattered." She turned her attention back to the mirror.

 "Well, it's just…I know there was someone else." She quickly sighed.

            "Someone else?" Rory questioned.

            "Someone before Los Angeles."

            Rory shook her head. "Jilly….That doesn't matter now. I'm starting over, this is now, that was then, and I can't go on living my life, letting things pass me by, just because there was someone else. There is always going to be someone else."

            "I guess…I don't know… I just want to make sure this is what you want."

            Rory smiled, no one, especially Jess had never paid much attention to her wants, "It's what I want" she assured her and she walked passed her and into her bedroom. "And hey, maybe if he's a keeper, he'll have a friend for you…" she walked back out of her room putting the final earring in her ear.

            Jillian laughed, "Yes just what I need, another distraction."

            There was a light knock on the door, and both girls looked at each other. Rory ran back into her room, to put her shoes on, and Jillian went to answer the door. As she was headed to the door there was another knock, this time faster and a little harder. 

            "I'm coming, I'm coming, calm down will you?" she called. For this being a date he sure was impatient. She opened the door, "Can I help you?"

            "I'm looking for Rory."

            Jillian stood there confused, "One second." She turned around and shouted towards Rory's room, "HEY… UM ROR… You might want to come see this." She said quietly to herself.

            Rory came out of her room with a smile on her face, she was walking towards the door when Jillian stepped aside and Rory froze in her place… "Reagan?"

            "RORY!" she ran into the apartment and into Rory's arms.

            Jillian went to close the door, and Rory spoke up, "Wait." Jillian turned to look at her, "She's not alone." Rory set Reagan down on the floor and knelt down to her level, "Where is your dad?" she asked.

            She shrugged.

            "What do you mean…" Rory mimicked her and shrugged as well.

            She shrugged again.

            "I see." Rory stood up. 

            "Rory…?" Jillian was still in shock, "… is she… yours?"

            Rory shook her head, "No, but might as well be."

            Jillian didn't exactly understand, but nodded her head anyways, "You guys have the same eyes." She stated.

            Quickly changing the subject Rory stood back up and looked at Jillian, "Can you do me a favor?" she asked.

            "Sure, yeah what do you need?" Jillian nodded her head.

"Can you take her over to your place for a bit? I need to talk to him."

            "Him?" Jillian asked, "Her father?"

            "The someone else." Rory looked away and out the open the door.

            "Oh…" she paused… "Yeah…Okay." Now she was starting to understand.

            Rory once again knelt down to Reagan's level, "Hey Reagan? This is my friend Jillian, she lives across the hall, and she's going to take you to her place to play for a bit okay?"

            Reagan didn't understand but she nodded her head anyway.

Jillian held out her hand and Reagan took it, she smiled at Rory and followed Jillian out the door with a huge grin on her face. 

The door closed and Rory took a seat on the couch, '_this isn't happening'_ she thought. '_This can't be happening, not tonight_.'

            There was another knock on the door and Rory was hesitant. She knew who it was, and she wasn't sure she was ready to face him. She stood up slowly and walked towards the door, she opened it, and thousands of thoughts, and feelings and emotions flooded her body.

            "Jess." She stated.

            He smiled a small smile and then looked away.

            "What are you doing here?"

            "I think you know what I'm doing here."

            She thought that she could do this. Seeing Reagan was one thing, but now that he was standing in front of her, looking at her, she couldn't do it…she shook her head, "Go away."

            "What?"

            "Go away, I mean it, leave." She started to close the door but he stuck his foot in the way.

            "Rory…"

            "No Jess, I don't want to hear it, Go away."

            His were pleading with her to let him in. They both stood there in silence, neither looking away from the other. Then there was a ding, and it broke their gaze. They both turned their attention to the elevator just as to doors began to open. Jess didn't recognize the man in the elevator, not that he would, since he didn't live out here and the only person he knew he was standing in front of, he turned his attention back at Rory, and his eyes sunk as he watched her face light up from the man that was now walking their way.

            "I wasn't expecting you to be in the hall" Gio walked towards her and handed her a flower, a single lily.

            Jess stood off to the side feeling like a third wheel; he rolled his eyes when he saw the flower, '_a lily? Everyone knew chrysanthemums were her_ _favorite_' a small smirk slid across his face.

            She took the flower and smiled, "Sorry, just an old friend stopped by." Rory turned and looked at Jess, no emotion written on her face what-so-ever.

            Gio stepped in and gave Rory a hug, he pulled away and glanced over at Jess, he nodded and Jess didn't respond.

            "Where is she?" Jess glared at Rory.

            "Who?" she broke eye contact with Gio and turned her attention to Jess.

            "Reagan… if you want me to go, I need my daughter."

            Rory pointed behind him, "She's with Jillian she's fine."

            He gave her nasty smile, he didn't care that she was fine; he knew she was fine; he just wanted her so he could leave. He turned around to knock on the door.  "Wait." She sighed, she couldn't let him walk away, not when he had come this far, she slowly walked with Gio down the hall and told him she would meet him downstairs, he kissed her cheek and stood back in front of the doors he had just emerged from.

            Rory made her way back down the hall to Jess; she glanced back at Gio just as he turned to look back at her and smiled. She stepped into her apartment and gestured for Jess to follow.

He shut the door behind him.

"Jess…" she looked past him.

"What?" Jess snarled.

            She paused before replying, "Nothing… never mind." She went to walk past him, and back out the door, but instead he spoke up.

            "Rory," Jess called out, she turned around and faced him, "So this is how it's going to be? I came all the way here to talk to you, and you're not even going to hear me out?"

            Rory looked up at the ceiling and then at her feet, she took a deep sigh and then looked at him, "Maybe if you would have called first, but I have a date right now." She opened the door and was halfway out…

            His mouth fell open and he let out a sighed "huh…I'm glad to see L.A. is working for you, turning you into one fine upper class grade A bitch… you know what forget it… fine… see you around." He couldn't believe she was acting so cold, like she didn't even care, like he meant nothing to her.

            She felt like her heart had just been ripped out and stomped on. His words hurt. She couldn't believe he just said that to her. Just because she wasn't the same Rory she was when she left, just because he thought she should drop everything for him, because he showed up out of no where, she had plans, and he had no right to come and disrupt the life she had going. She didn't need this, she didn't need him.

            He wanted to take the words back as soon as he saw the look on her face and the hurt in her eyes, but he knew he couldn't. He knew he had just made a mistake, when he first got here, her eyes were curious, they were warm, and it looked like maybe she would give him a chance, now they were cold, she was done with him, and he could see that. 

She gave him a cold smile and then turned and walked out the door, leaving him in her apartment alone.


	24. Full Circle

**DICLAIMER**: Don't own Gilmore Girls, Never have, Never will….

**AN**: Finally, it took me forever, this has been sitting on my computer for months and months and months, and finally I came to realization that I wasn't going to be changing anything so I might as well give you guys the end of this long and tragic story. So I want to apologize for not updating this sooner, and I hope it doesn't come as some disappointment… enjoy…

Jess watched as Rory walked into the elevator and the doors closed behind her. He stood there for a moment, waiting for the doors to open back up, imagining her running towards him and apologizing, running straight into his arms, they'd hug and kiss and all would be right in the world, but seconds passed, and then minutes and the doors never opened. So he did all that he could, he turned around and knocked on the door behind him.

"So you're him," Jillian stated, while opening the door wider.

"Yeah, that would be mine," he pointed at Reagan who just popped the dice on a game of_ Trouble_.

"No, I mean you're the 'someone else'," She used air quotes.

"The what?" he didn't know what she was talking about, "I'm Jess."

"Come on in." She stepped aside making way for Jess but instead he did not move.

"Thanks, but really, I'm just going to take her and go."

"Don't be silly, stay awhile, have a seat, a drink, maybe something to eat," Jillian grabbed his hand and pulled him in, "Besides we are in the middle of a game, you can't take her away now."

With much hesitation Jess followed Jillian into the apartment and agreed to stay awhile. "An hour." He mumbled under his breath, knowing he'd still be there by nightfall, and perhaps into the early hours of the next morning. He glanced over at Reagan, and smiled at how happy she looked. She hadn't look this happy since before Rory left, and he knew her little heart was going to break when they had to go back home, Rory-less. Jess didn't want to disappoint her. It seemed that that was all he had been doing lately, one disappointment after another, she may be young, but she knew.

Reagan giggled as she sent another one of Jilly's pieces home, and she turned to glance at Jess, "Look Dad! I'm winning!"

He smiled as she turned her attention back to the game with a huge grin on her face.

Hours passed and Jess was still there, he hadn't moved since he sat down nearly three hours ago. Jilly tried prying into his personal life, everything with Rory, and Reagan, and Reagan's mother, but Jess wasn't much of a talker, well at least not to people he didn't really know. Jilly finally got a small amount of information from him, enough for her to see what was happening, and what had to be done.

Jess was sitting on the couch his head tilted back, all he wanted to do was sleep, sleep off this horrible day, but Reagan wouldn't let him leave, and Jilly seemed to be siding with Reagan.

Looking over at her dad Reagan crawled up onto his lap and she cupped his face in her tiny little hands, "Don't be sad Daddy," she kissed him, "I still love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him the tightest hug her little body could give.

Jess wrapped his arms around her, but was more gentle, "I know you do, and I love you." He kissed her on the nose, and she giggled. She stared at him for a moment, it seemed like she knew everything about him. Like she was 20 years older, wise beyond her years, and she was going to give Jess the exact answer he was looking for, but instead she turned herself around and adjusted herself perfectly into his lap. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back into his chest. He looked down at her soft hair and gently kissed the top of her head, at least he had her, if he couldn't have Rory, at least he had her.

Jillian watched as Reagan closed her eyes and a smile spread across her tiny face. Then Jilly smiled at how sweet and loving she was, how she fit perfectly into her dads lap, and was perfectly content with it, with doing nothing, just knowing that her dad was holding her. Jilly couldn't help but wanting to be a part of that for just a split second before the scene was interrupted.

There was a knock on the door and Jillian quickly got up to answer it.

"Jilly I really_ really_ need to talk to you…" Rory was looking down at her hands, which seemed to be shaking. She looked up and saw a pair of brown eyes staring at her from the couch, "What is he doing here Jillian?"

Jess rose from the couch to start making his way to the door, but Jillian turned around and mouthed to him to give her a minute. He sat back down, and she stepped outside into the hallway with Rory closing the door behind her.

"Rory… give him a chance to explain," Jilly pleaded.

"Explain what? I don't even know why we're fighting anymore, let alone why we're both mad," she sighed putting her hands over her eyes.

"Then hear him out."

"You don't know what he's put me through," Rory cried out throwing her hands dramatically through the air.

"No… you're right…I don't, but _I do know_ that there is a man inside my apartment- broken because you won't listen to what he has to say. _I do know_ that you have been friends since you were eight, and that has got to be one of the best things in the entire world to have made it this long, and _I do know_ that he fell in love with someone else, but that it doesn't matter anymore because now he's in love with you Rory."

"He only loves me because he lost me." Rory turned towards her door- she was searching for her keys.

"Don't be stupid Rory. I would give anything to have another chance."

Rory stopped searching and turned around to face Jilly, "Another chance at what?"

"I would give anything to have another chance," she repeated, "I had someone once. His name was Paul, and we were engaged. He proposed right out of high school and I accepted, and we both agreed to wait until after we graduated from college before we actually got married. Two weeks before he graduated I took off; I came out here to L.A. to pursue acting… I knew he wouldn't come with me, he cared too much about his family and friends, and he had a good job waiting for him. But I didn't care, I wanted to follow my dreams, I was selfish, so I left without a goodbye and I mailed him the ring." She paused, "he was perfect, he would have taken such great care of me, and been a great father, and the worst part is, I loved him, I still do and I left him. So don't be stupid okay? Consider this my second chance, take it Ror, just listen to him, that's all, what's the worst that can happen? You don't like what he has to say, and fine, go ahead, tell him to get lost and call Gio"

Rory shook her head, "No it's over with Gio."

"What do you mean over with, Gio? It's only just begun."

"Have you looked at your watch, it was a pretty short date."

"What happened?"

"What happened? HE HAPPENED!" Rory pointed to Jillian's door. "I was fine, I was actually excited about tonight, my first real date, in… FOREVER and then HE showed up; right out of the blue, no phone call, and no warning… anything. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and how mean I had been, I mean come on now…no matter where I go in life, or what happens it always come back to him… its always about him."

"Well okay then, so what's the worst that can happen? You hear Jess out and you fall in love with him all over again, and your happy, or you don't like what he has to say and you can hate him, forget about him, and be alone, until you find someone even better then that." she pointed at her door behind her.

"You've known him for all but five minutes and you already think he's the best thing to walk the earth…"

"Have you not looked at him? He's gorgeous, kind, sweet, has a daughter… who he LOVES… and that little girl loves you just as much as him… and he treats her so well, plus he came across the country to talk to a girl who he also loves who doesn't even want to talk to him, yet he's in there putting up a good attitude so not to let his daughter think you've left them for good."

"I'm just not sure I can…listen to him that is…"

"Of course you can…"

"No I mean…" there was a long pause, "I don't hate him. I never have, I couldn't, but he can't just show up here! It's not fair. It's not fair to me."

"Life isn't fair Rory."

"Did he tell you that I love him?"

She shook her head… "No… but he didn't have to. I could see it in your eyes when she showed up at the door without him. Besides, I don't think he knows that you do."

"I just don't want to hurt anymore, and that's what he does, he makes me hurt."

"Because you love him..."

"Of course because I love him, if I didn't I wouldn't care."

"Then listen to him, you are making a huge deal out of nothing. You say you don't want to hurt, and that you love him, so there… fine… he loves you, you love him, I really don't see the problem other then your being way too stubborn!"

Right then the door opened and Jess poked his head out the door. Rory looked away and Jillian turned around and mouthed to Jess, "talk to her, make her listen." Then she brushed passed him leaving the two of them in the hallway alone.

He looked at her and opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it. "Let me talk first okay?" He didn't say a word, and she started…"What makes you think you can just show up here out of the blue? How can you just show up and think its okay? I know we are best friends, and have been through thick and thin, and have been there every step of the way for each other, but you know things haven't been good for us lately. So it's not okay. It just makes things harder. I was tired in Stars Hallow, I was on over-drive. Crash. And. Burn. And now finally, just finally I'm starting to relax again, and you come and shake everything up. What makes you think its okay?"

"I never said I thought that it was okay, I knew it wasn't okay, but I just had to see you. Be honest, if I had called would you have listened to me? Would you have let me come over to explain myself?"

She shook her head, "No," she whispered more to herself than to him.

"See I knew that, but I had to talk to you. And I knew if I would have given you heads up, we wouldn't be here right now. You live 3,000 miles away from me now, and I wasn't going to let our friendship die like that. If it's going to end, there is at least going to be some closure."

"What?" she paused, "You think our friendship is dying? You're not going to get rid of me that easy, not after everything we've been through."

He stood there watching her, as she was talking to herself, mumbling something that he couldn't understand.

"Well not unless you want to be rid of me, but I just have to know something, did you really love me?" her eyes were pleading for the truth.

"Yes."

"Do you still?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"What you did hurt me Jess, you were always pushing me behind everyone else. Making me second best in everything, when you were always first for me. We were best friends and I was practically invisible, I was just there to make things better, to follow behind you and pick up your messes, but what you said hurt me even more. So many times your words stung, they burnt, I thought I was going to die. And I can't forget that. I try; I try to be as strong as before, like I was when we were younger. But I can't," the tears were beginning to form.

"Rory…" he tried to stop her, but she kept on talking.

"Can you see my fears Jess? Can you see them in me? My one fear is being alone Jess, because that means I'm without you. My life is nothing without you, but with fear comes anger. You hurt me; do you know what its like to be thrown away? To be swept aside to make room for the new and better things? To be brushed off like you're nothing, like you don't even have feelings? You don't know what that's like because it's never happened. There was me, then Skylar, then Reagan, then me again, and Reagan, you've never been alone Jess, you don't know what its like."

"Wait what?" he stopped her, "I don't know what its like?" he laughed at her over his own tears, how could she be so cold? "My mother left me when I was eight Rory. You think those first eight years of my life were pleasant? I had to raise myself since the moment I could walk. There was always someone better then me, men, they were more important then her own son. Then as soon as her boyfriends left her, she came to me. I was seven and I was taking care of my mother like she was my child, as soon as I began to feel like she loved me, as soon as I saw a single sparkle of what I thought was love in her eyes she brings me here. She takes me to Stars Hallow, doesn't say good-bye and just leaves in the middle of a diner with a man I don't even know! I do know what it's like Rory, a lot worse then you do. You're spoiled when it comes to love, you don't know what its like to NOT be loved. Everything I ever love has left me. My mother, Skylar, you. You left me Rory, what I love has left me, and what I need isn't here. I don't need you because something is wrong; I need you because I want you. I need you here, with me. You say you'll be my friend. You say that we can still be friends but I don't ever see you, I don't ever hear from you and I don't feel you being close to what I need at all. What I know is nothing, what I feel is gone, what I want is empty, and what I need is you, here, with me."

"Jess…" she reached towards him but this time he pulled away.

"Rory… stop… just listen… it's my turn to speak okay? I didn't come here because I can't do things on my own… I came here for better reasons then that. Back at home, back in stars Hallow you told me something… something that has been stuck in my head since you left… you told me that I lived an amazing life. And you were right, I _did _live an amazing life, but the only thing that made it amazing was you. When you left it was anything but amazing, it wasn't even great, it was just ordinary, and normal, I've never lived a normal life, and to be quite honest, I didn't like it all that much. You also told me that you were coming here, not only for a job, but so that you could start a life, maybe start a family, and so I'm standing here in front of you today, offering you mine. Why start a new family when you can have this one…that already loves you."

"Jess…"

"No… I'm not done…You see, your wrong about some things too. One being that I didn't love you like you loved me… because I've loved you forever. I know you don't believe me, you think this was just a sudden thing, you were leaving and so I said what I could to make you stay. Even if that was the case, it wouldn't have worked. But I honestly love you Rory. Before Skylar came along, you were my girl, Dean was just an obstacle for me to get over, but I was determined to make you mine, then I saw your eyes, and you loved him, so I found someone for myself, because I wasn't going to ruin what you had. I always thought you better then me Ror. You had a real home, a real mom, you knew how to fix everything, and I was just this boy, who felt so alone, until I had you. You made things better, but you were always a step higher then me, so I found someone who was my level, I found Skylar, and I honestly thought we'd be together for the rest of our lives, because we were even, but then she left me, and I know I messed that all up, because when she was gone, I thought I was going to be alone for pretty much ever, so I held on for as long as I could, which was obviously too long" he stopped and smiled at her, "But then you came, my other half, my better half, and you fixed everything like you always did, only along the way you fell in love with me, and I was so hung up on the past that I pushed you away. Now I can't even imagine where I would be today if you weren't in my life, because I do love you, more then anyone I've ever loved my whole life." he stopped and stared at her.

She had tears in her eyes, she couldn't believe he had come this far to tell her this, "and the other?"

"Huh?" he didn't take his eyes off of her.

"You said I was I was wrong about some things, not just one."

He nodded, "Yeah and number two, you were wrong about Reagan…"

"I don't understand…"

"You wrong because she _can_ be your daughter. You are more of a mother to her then Skylar ever was, and anyone ever can be. Biologically yes, Skylar was her mother, but that's not what counts, its love and nurture and being there for her when she needs you, you've been there every step of the way, since the moment she was born, to her first smile, to her first word, to her first step, and your going to be there for her on her first day of school. You are her mom Rory, you always have been and you always will be."

"Jess…"

"Wait." He put up his hand and they both smiled, she had tried to interrupt three times now and every time he made her stop… "Let me just get this out and then you can say whatever it is you want to say, you can kick me out and send me home, just let me finish."

"Okay" she whispered.

"These last five years you have given up everything, and I mean everything for us. You gave up Harvard and the whole college experience of living on campus, you gave up friends and boyfriends, you gave up your Saturday nights to stay home and baby-sit, you have been nothing but supportive in everything I've done, and now if you let me, I want to return the favor."

Rory gave him a confused look…

"There is nothing for me in Stars Hallow, since you left there is no point of me even being there, I want to be with you Rory, I want to have a family with you, I want you to be happy, to have your job… here in California, and have us, if you want us." He stopped and there was silence, "I'm done now."

Still silence.

"I tried too you know." He paused, giving her a chance to speak up, but she didn't move. "The day you left for here, I raced to your house to stop you, but when I got there I found your mom at the kitchen table and she told me you were gone, she gave me the 'wall', and I asked her not to tell you, I wasn't going to let you walk out of my life."

There was still silence from her end, he didn't know what to do, and so he turned around to knock on the door behind him to get Reagan and leave.

His hand was already raised and balled into a fist, only inches from knocking on the door when she whispered his name and grabbed the arm that was raised in the air.

He turned to look at her, even now, after everything she was still as beautiful as he always remembered. He stood facing her, studying her face, every detail when she grabbed the back of his neck and brought her lips crashing down upon his. Never wanting it to end, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly towards him. They paused only to glance at each other, to make sure it wasn't a dream.

Rory slowly brought her hand up, gently resting her fingertips on his forehead she let her hand brush the side of his face.

His eyes followed her hand, her touch so soft, so gentle. Her hand came to a rest on his cheek, leaning into her he kissed her palm softly, before bringing his eyes to fall back upon hers.

"Are you sure about this?" he whispered while gazing into her eyes.

"Jess…" she said in a motherly tone… he was waiting for his middle name to come next.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, it just doesn't seem real, it's what I've wanted since I met you, and now that it's finally happening, I just want to make sure I'm not going to wake up anytime soon."

She smiled and rubbed her hand up and down the side of this arm.

"HEY," he gasped, jumping back.

She smiled, and kissed him softly, "This isn't a dream," she rubbed his arm where she had just recently pinched him.

He leaned in and kissed her again, stumbling back they hit the wall, both letting out a giggle, they looked into each others eyes, "I love you," he kissed her, vowing to himself never to let her go again.


End file.
